The Dangerous Side Of Love |
Written by: Dame Wotta Tripp
The Hidden Potential For Serious Injuries
We all know that love can hurt, but we don't like to dwell too much on the fact that it can also sometimes be
The world is full of vicious stalkers, serial killers and manipulative lovers. Con artists and STD's
proliferate, and yes, these things are all dangerous, but it's the more deeply
hidden dangers of love
we will examine here.
The term 'deeply hidden' is used despite the fact that these dangers are actually far more common than the
sinister perils mentioned above. This is because they are generally concealed at all costs!
And even though the injuries can be very severe, they are rarely spoken of or discussed outside of the doctor's
office or hospital emergency room.
Why not? Because the victims are far
too embarrassed to tell anyone about them, and one can certainly
understand why. It will generally remain their secret shame, something giggled helplessly about by hospital
nurses, orderlies and receptionists.
Each year millions
of injuries are sustained around the world during the execution of what should be
the simple and well-practiced act of sexual intercourse.
I use the term act rather than art, because there is nothing artful or remotely exciting about what happens to
some people while attempting to let nature take its cataclysmic course, whether through misfortune or plain
More than a third of all adults will injure themselves during sex at least once. This goes quite a long way to
explaining a few of the stranger offspring Wotta Tripp has encountered while ministering to some of the rather
unusual families who have applied to her for help.
Her hands-on assistance has been asked for on numerous occasions by people living with the searing pain of failed
attempts at procreation and this experience combined with her personal research has led her to see most vividly the
intense dangers and repercussions of nearly all sexual activities.
Thousands are secretly and pitifully nursing fearsome sex injuries. Carpet burns on body-parts, broken
furniture, smashed picture frames and holes knocked through the walls are only the first batch of escalating
damage sustained during gentle foreplay, before the more visceral and war-like acts of love are perpetrated on
Some of the catastrophic consequences of carelessly conducted coitus include:
• Penile fractures
. This is a nasty one. Although there is no bone present in the penis,
fracturing of the erect penis frequently happens due to blunt trauma & is a medical emergency that requires
immediate attention, just not the sort originally hoped for. A sensual encounter ending in surgical repair is
not something any involved party would usually want to discuss with other people. You just don't call in to
work and tell them you won't be in due to a snapped penis.
• Trapped penises
. Penises regularly become trapped inside common household objects (such as
the hose attachments of vacuum cleaners) during sexual experimentation & have to be removed, sometimes even
by fire-fighters with specialized equipment. Unfortunately, some types of people really enjoy this waste of
• Similarly, objects
that become stuck fast inside people's various orifices often have to be
removed with professional help. As far as Dame Wotta Tripp is aware, there are no specialized task-forces
created to deal with such emergencies, but recent statistics hint that perhaps there indeed should be some
available for such unfortunates.
• Falling out
of, off or through beds, washing machines, tables, chairs and all manner of
appliances and vehicles, including motor bikes, cars, ironing boards and dryers can lead to nasty contusions,
lacerations, bruises & hematomas, broken bones & internal injuries.
• Burns sustained
from candle flames and hot wax can be serious enough to require medical
treatment. Candles, thought to be romantic by many, can be horribly dangerous. Fortunately Dame Wotta Tripp
will soon be offering for purchase 'Wotta Candle!'
packs of 1 dozen
available in red, white, turquoise & assorted, & developed
especially to promote safe sex & magick. People in the throes of passion can easily knock over candles,
dumping burning hot wax into eyes, mouths, ears, up noses and onto skin & private parts. There is also a
very real danger of being engulfed in flames, & no relationship can stand that kind of heat.
• Broken bones
, such as fractured pelvises & collarbones are often caused by one partner
falling suddenly on top of another, or one or more people being too rough during four-play, or even two or
three-play. The more people involved the more opportunity for a variety of injuries are entirely possible.
• Injuries from
shattered wine glasses & other breakable items are common, especially when
sexual activity is taking place and people are not so aware of their precarious surroundings. Hurting
themselves & each other, they fall off sofas & beds, crashing onto bottles and glasses & receiving
unsightly random lacerations and impromptu minor surgery as they do so, usually requiring some more a little
• Black eyes
, fat lips & bruising can be sustained by sudden contact with flailing
knees, elbows & other out-of-control body parts. How happy people are that they can easily explain away
such minor injuries with a few simple lies!
• Damages received
in vehicles include run-ins with clutches & gear sticks as well as
wounds received from cars rolling into ditches & over steep edges with the unwitting & horrified
passengers still frozen into the wonderfully awkward and amusing positions that only making out in a vehicle
• Falling together
out of trees during sex is more common than you might think. Perhaps people
believe they will find privacy in the high branches. Or maybe they are attempting to recreate experiences from
the dawn of time, which they do manage, because people have been dropping heavily out of trees for thousands of
• Injuries acquired
on the stairs can include heavily bruised ribs, bruised or broken
coccyges, general bruising, whiplash & other neck injuries, herniated discs, injured knees, contusions,
scrapes, lesions & splinters.
• Animal attacks
that take place inside the home usually come from pets.
The animal, perceiving the unusual action and movement of sexual activity,
can become confused, frightened or over-excited. They may think that an attack is taking place or that a
game is underway. One way or another they tend to join in, often with painful consequences. People are
routinely attacked by their dogs, cats, parrots & Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs while attempting to have
sex. Sometimes the poor animal is hurt in the ensuing scuffle. Often men's testicles come under attack,
probably because of their dangling and bouncy qualities, and having your scrotum stitched back up is
no way to spend a Saturday evening.
• Animal attacks that take place outside can involve snakes, ants, deer, wasps, badgers, lions,
wild pigs, wallabies, emus, porcupines, sharks, condors & many more exciting natural options, depending upon
which part of the world you are having outdoor sex in. They are not by any means always lethal, and might make
fascinating dinner-party anecdotes for years to come, especially if you now have an interesting prosthetic
• Slipping & sliding in the shower or bath during amorous encounters can lead to severe
damage to the human frame, as well as to the bathroom itself. Heavy petting can become heavy bruising in a
split second, totally deflating the moment and leading to irritation and possible later arguments.
• Being injured in cupboards usually happens during work-related sexual escapades, as there is
usually no need to get into cupboards to have sex at home. If it is a janitorial cupboard, then there will be
mops and brooms with hard handles, caustic substances, buckets, scrub-brushes, plungers and other options with
blistering potential for doing plenty of traumatic violence to you or your friend's person.
• Crashing through doors, fences and windows after discovering the selected sills & panels
are not sturdy enough to support the frenzied thrashing around of love's young dream has caused some very nasty
injuries indeed & will surely be the cause of many more in the future. Certain people cause far less damage
while lying down, boring though this might seem to them and their partners.
• Simple strains & sprains, including torn muscles & tendons are among the tamest of
the injuries reported to occur during sex, but they still sometimes require medical attention and
Remove Dangerous Objects Before Sex
Similar to child-proofing a room, preparing an area of
your house (or anywhere else) for safe sex is largely a matter of common sense. Of course, this poses quite a
problem for some people.
Add to this the fact that some of the more potentially hazardous items are ones that are deliberately included
in a scene created for romance and the stage is set for a possible visit to your local emergency room.
Here Are A Few Helpful SafetyTips:
• Be very, very careful using household objects as sex toys.
• Place lit candles where nothing & nobody can knock them over.
• Avoid closets and very small spaces for attempting sexual activities in.
• Remove all breakables and glassware from the vicinity before having sex.
• Don't have sex in trees & shrubbery.
• If you don't know if it can support your combined weight, then don't lean on it!
• Do not bend the erect penis too far - it can snap just like a fresh carrot.
• Use a safety mat in the bath or shower.
• Place your pets in another room. No animal should have to witness what you are about to get
Remember Dame Wotta Tripp's excellent advice and always practice safe sex!
Pestilential partners who are a danger to themselves and society do not make good bed-fellows, and they rarely
develop even adequate parenting skills.
Dame Wotta Tripp warns her readers about the hidden dangers of sexual activities.