Feeling Good About Yourself

What Is Confidence?
For a lot of people confidence doesn't come naturally. It's something that they really have to work at. That's because self-confidence problems usually go right back to childhood.

In many instances confidence and anxiety issues go back even further and have their origins in the previous lifetimes we have all experienced. Yes, even you sitting there in church, in complete denial! You are fooling only yourself, as you will surely eventually remember.

Some people seem to ooze confidence, as though they were born feeling entitled and on top of the world, and indeed they probably did come into the world with the gift of natural self-confidence.

While this is undeniably great good fortune for those so blessed genetically the rest of us have to face the constant belittling inner voice that learned its litany of failure from a variety of past sources, all incorrect and highly inaccurate, and yet capable of impacting us negatively, seemingly forever.

Charisma
Charisma is something that most people would like to have. It is a strangely magnetic quality that draws people who don't have charisma to ones who do.

It can be a Pied Piper quality, and sometimes it could even spell danger for the unwary.

Not all people with charisma are good or ethical human beings, and those peculiarly susceptible to charismatics do sometimes overlook serious personality flaws to be near the source of 'magic' and bask in the perceived glow that emanates from a jolly good con-artist's 'magnetic' personality.

Charismatics are full of self-confidence and usually have their own agendas and create their own PR. They rarely seek the advice of other people.

How Can I Become Charismatic?
If this quality doesn't come naturally to you, you probably can't. Charisma isn't for everybody. You are probably best accepting this rather than making a fool of yourself trying hard to develop an entirely absent quality. Perhaps you need a hobby, instead?

How To Give Others The Gift Of Self-Esteem
If you want to know how to win hearts and friends then the answer is a simple one:

Make other people (and all creatures) feel good about themselves.

Below are a few tips on how to do just that.

• Listen properly to people (and animals) when they talk to you. Don't sit there trying to remember what you are going to say when you get a chance. It's always you, you, you! Forget about you for just a little while. Concentrate fully on the other person for a change, even if you think they are an appalling, manky little pest. All to the better, it will be excellent practice for you.
• Tell people that you like or love them the way that they are. Of course there are limits. Sometimes you have to explain to people who act strangely, or even rather badly, that although you do love them, a little, you are not too fond of the way they sometimes behave. If your beloved turns out to a peeping tom, for instance, or is prone to lying face down on the floor and drooling, you might wish to re-think your relationship.
• Respect others. Do not laugh at or belittle people because they are different, mutated or unusual. Just because someone looks or sounds peculiar is no reason to point and giggle inanely like a school-child. Allow people to feel comfortable, even if they are dull and awkward with unattractive personal traits. Celebrate the differences!
• Make a point of thanking some of the people in your life who have helped you out or been there for you in the past. Tell them how much you appreciated their prior interference in your life, and see their faces light up at your kind gesture.
• Offer to help someone with something they are having difficulties with. Be there for them. If they have substance problems, be strong for them when they cannot. Flush their drugs and pour their alcohol down the sink on their behalf. If food is the problem, clean out the junk food from their fridge and pantry. Put it in the garbage or take it home yourself so they can't be tempted any more. Let them know how you have helped them and prepare for them to be stunned at how proactive you can be on their behalf.
• Be kind to others whenever you can find an opportunity to do so. Good deeds always return to you in one form or another, even if sometimes it doesn't always seem that way.

You'll find that helping others out improves your own confidence and makes you feel a lot better about yourself.

Personal Grooming
It's important to take care of yourself and present yourself to the world in a way that reflects who you truly are.

Make sure you always have a good hair-cut and very nice shoes. Make sure your accessories are of a decent quality. These are the areas where you should invest your money. Be clean and neat, but don't be a slave to fashion.

Let your individualism shine. The people who truly like or love you won't laugh for too long.

 

One word of warning, though: Don't drink and dress. Choose your wardrobe while sober if you wish to make the right impression.  

 

Don't dress while taking psychedelics either. We won't go into the unsavoury details here about the horrendous and total malfunction of the wardrobe that someone else will have to spend a frightful evening looking at if it was selected by the hands of an irresponsible and hallucinating date who they will now find themselves babysitting. 

 

Don't think that disasters like this don't occur, because they do.

Know What's Going On
You don't have to be expert on anything but being up to date on current affairs and issues will allow you to hold your own more confidently in a conversation.

People will respect you more and you'll feel a bit less odd and more like a real human being.

It's even better if you can also have several fascinating interests and at least one gift or passion that sets you aside. Read more. Develop your personality. Learn new skills.

Be Yourself
It's no use pretending to be someone you're not because there is nothing more tiring than trying to keep up the pretence so that people will continue to accept you.

You are you. Who you are is all you've got, and while you can work on some personality defects and other shortcomings , you can't change the real you, and nor should you want to.

It's nature's way of sorting everyone out. You don't want to fool someone about who you are anymore than you would want to be fooled.

After all, very rare is the person who can put on a convincing act for an entire lifetime.

Sooner or later there will be trouble as it dawns on your significant other that you shop-lift and gamble when you're depressed and you discover that they sniff household cleaners and are obsessed with line-dancing.

These kind of epiphanies nearly always end in a separation.

 

It's not necessarily because you do such things, after all nobody's perfect; it's because you deliberately hid these little details from someone who thinks that they should always be able to trust you.

It's a deal-breaker.

So be yourself and have the confidence that comes from knowing that even if the number of people who are drawn to you are few and far between, when they are you can be sure that it's because they really like you, despite everything.