Dame Wotta Tripp Advice Who is Dame Wotta Tripp? Wotta Tripp's Credentials Personals Night Letters Romance and Relationship Advice Confessional Absolutely Scandalous! - Dame Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum Contact! Advice Letters Site Map Terms of Use and Site Policy

 

 

Absolute Loyalty Demanded By Goat Flayer

September 16 2011 
Written by: Dame Wotta Tripp Advice 

 
Be Careful What You Ask For! 
 
Dear Dame Wotta,
I've recently received a letter from a serial killer. Obviously, I'm thrilled by this, but I'm not sure how to go about replying to his amorous advances - I think this could be love!

He's got golden hair (usually blowing in the wind) and some very powerful eyebrows.
 
I'm not sure how to contact him, and I don't want to mess it up by saying something stupid.

Waiting Goat 
 
My main problem here is, I don't know where he lives, his name, or any of his contact information.

All I know is that the minute I first laid eyes on him, as he was flaying a goat, I knew that he was the one.

So, naturally, I gave that special look (you know which type I mean) and he gave me a goofy, adorable smile and sent me his best wink.

The next day there was a blood stained letter on my doorstep containing a lot of profanity (He's got a great sense of humor).

The best part is that he said that he would agree to go out with me if I can find him before he finds me, and that I would live to regret it if he finds me first. What a guy!

Do you have any advice?

- Hetty Rumbledown


 
Dear Hetty,
I can quite understand you being thrilled, you are young and such attention can be heady, Hetty.

It sounds as if you fell hard when you first saw him, which is understandable coming suddenly upon him like that, as there must have been a lot of slippery blood, and worse things, but I know that goofy look you mean:

The revolting one that makes all men look like constipated cheetahs, serial killers or not.

As you find his physical features to be filled with grandeur and powerful natural forces you probably feel just like a young and inexperienced girl.

Don’t for a moment let this fool you. However young you may be you have now entered into a contest the outcome of which will determine the rest of your life.

Despite the charming sense of humor and playful threats, he may be playing hard to get. You were wise to write to Aunty Wotta for advice.

To find him first, you must use appropriate bait, and goats simply won’t do.

This is your clue to finding the key to his heart. You must have found him fallen upon hard times, as any goat, even the ones with long, shiny, wavy fur, are only for the desperately hard up serial offender.

You will need to use at least two people to lure him to you. The details really are up to you as I would need a consultancy fee to create a plan for you. You must find two people who no longer wish to be here and who also feel the need for very severe punishment on the way out. You will have to advertise
 
The really important thing for you to remember is that you must jump out and 'find' him, in the middle of his flaying or whatever, and cry out "found you!" in your most joyful and excited voice.

I can’t stress this enough. When he realizes that he has been discovered, and someone does care (I believe there are maternal issues at work here) that goofy grin will quite likely be back!

When he also realizes that his 'gifts' were carefully selected just for him by you, he will be overwhelmed by your generosity and native intelligence, as well as perceiving your future uses.

But be aware, this man will demand absolute loyalty! Either ‘pucker up and partner up', or be prepared to lose him for ever.
 
If you outlive your use, then I'm afraid you will find yourself moving rapidly towards your final and rather extreme and messy day on the planet. Consider dating someone ordinary, perhaps a computer technician who collects something safe, such as stamps or first editions.
 
Best wishes and good fortune to you in your peculiar hunt for happiness,
Dame Wotta Tripp
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Advice Letters Njght Letters Home Shop! 

 
  

Dame Wotta Tripp Is For Hire!
Pay her good money to destroy your rival's (or your own) website, magazine or company with her exemplary advice and articles. No business too large!

Testimonials:

"Once you see her, you will never forget her" is exactly true, when you're talking about DWT. Dazzling demonstrations of mind reading! She had the audience in the palm of her hand & blew us away by accurately revealing our inner thoughts! She divulged phone numbers, social security numbers, personal addresses & the names of lovers, all while still making us laugh, smile and dance!"

- Trend Realty Executives Awards 

Dame Wotta Tripp drew vast amounts of business my way due to the publicity surrounding the court case - I would recommend her writing with absolutely no reservations (it's too late anyway) wottsoever.

- London Ted

"We thank Dame Wotta Tripp again for her  presentation which was incredibly entertaining and frankly, astounding! Those of us who are still working here look forward to seeing her at next year's culling."

- Black Tide Commerce, Inc. 

Dame Wotta Tripp Can Help Even You

Click on the picture above to see how Wotta Tripp can help even you!

"All  barriers of race and custom disappeared because of her phenomenal audience interaction. The fact that Wotta Tripp got a lengthy standing ovation from this diverse group as they tried to find the exit before smoke engulfed the building shows that she is the absolute best!" 

- Grieve & Associates

 

"The rave reviews about Dame Wotta Tripp 's performance are still circulating . Her sizzling presentation wrapped up our awards banquet, both at the Yacht Club and afterwards in the hospital emergency room. She blew us out of the water!"   

- Edge Commerce 2011 Global Sales Kick-Off

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp's customized presentation reinforced our message of client connectivity in a unique and memorable way, while her mentalism demonstrations were not only out of this world, but also eerie! How does she know so much? How does she tell you not only the city and address of your home, but then also describe what the rooms look like from the inside and how you behave in them when you're having an episode?"

- Beyond Hope Mental Health Association 

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp brought laughs, amazement, and fun to our meeting, providing magic audience participation, with people repeatedly appearing and disappearing all night long. This set a perfect tone for our year's-end meeting."

- Association for the Visually Impaired

 

"Thankfully, there is no way that anyone else can do what Dame Wotta Tripp does. During cocktails Dame Wotta mingled with us all and performed some of her one-on-one psychic readings and then remained after her presentation for almost twelve hours, reading minds and talking to our customers, all the while keeping the exit doors magically locked ... incredible!"

- Entwhistle Locksmiths' Association

 

"At our National Manager’s meeting Dame Wotta was fantastic. Her informative, inspirational, yet entertaining presentation struck straight to the heart of the matter. Right after the event her books went flying right off the table! Fortunately, there were few injuries reported and the evenings undertakings continued in a sensational manner. Nobody can hold a candle to her!"

- Phoenix Casket Company, Inc. 

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp's performance stopped traffic & mesmerized the crowd. However, she didn’t stop there, creating a huge buzz at our show by drawing thousands of attendees & successfully driving qualified leads right through our booth. The loud splintering noises attracted a huge crowd. You get more than your money's worth, when you use Wotta Tripp!"

-  Fortune Construction Ltd.

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp did a fantastic job helping our movement become the center of attention on the trade show floor. We more than doubled our total traffic and had a whopping increase in leads. We have never, ever had to change the toilet rolls at our trade show before - we had to change them twice this year! The best money we’ve ever spent!"

- Blinding Insight Movement

 

 Dame Wotta Tripp Advice
 Who is Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Wotta Tripp's Credentials
 Interview with DWT
 DWT Can Help Even You!
 Cat's Corner - Ishfold, Mog & Widgeon
 Paws for Thought
 Announcing Ishfold's First Novel!
 Hexting - The Power of a Cat's Curse
 Felidicta - A Cat's Dictionary
 Letters to Ishfold
 Is Dame Wotta Scary in Real Life?
 Cats Everywhere!
 Does Ishfold Have A Girlfriend?
 How To Stop Coughing
 Justine Is A Bit Curious
 What Is Hyperspace?
 Helping André to Be Himself
 Star Kittens
 Simply Beastly Book
 Digestive Issues
 A Cat's Tail
 Fast And Nasty
 Perfect Mashed Potatoes Every Time
 Out in the Open - Essays by Ishfold
 The Jellyfishies
 Procuring A Human
 Naming Your New Kitty
 Where Does Your Cat Or Kitten Sleep?
 Cat Grooming
 It May Be Your Fault That Your Cat Is Going Bald!!
 The Horse Chestnut Tree
 Cats Are Absolutely Wonderful!
 Making Guests Welcome
 Looking Reproachfully At People
 Opposable Thumbs and Wings
 Send an E-Card
 Wotta Tripp Dating
 Cold Dawn
 Fuglings
 My Spud-Muffin
 Oddjobs
 Pixie Pleasures
 Stalk Only Me
 Sweet 'n' High
 Wotta Arrangement! - Marriages Arranged Just For You
 Please Arrange My Marriage, Wotta Tripp!
 Personals
 Place A Personal Advertisement Free
 Dating Testimonials
 Night Letters Romance and Relationship Advice
 How To Meet The Right People
 How To Behave When You Go On A Date
 The Dangerous Side Of Love
 Your Decision - Ethics Versus Morals
 How To Become More Confident
 Do Your Emotions Betray You?
 Effective Communication
 How Can I Save My Relationship?
 Money And Romance
 Turn The Heat Up Under Your Relationship
 Keeping Your Relationship Fresh
 In-Laws And Other Monstrosities
 Interference And Manipulation
 Teen Romance
 Is Your Partner Having An Affair?
 How To Catch Them Cheating!
 The Break-Up
 Moving On
 Night Soil - A Moon-Garden of Tips for a Better Relationship
 Secrets Of The Night
 Moth Wings
 Foods Of Love
 The Real Taj Mahal
 Secrets Of Attraction
 The Nature Of Dreams
 Dream Lovers
 Lover's Moon - Love Spells
 Just Two Little Words
 Morgasms
 Sex Secrets From The Past
 What Is An Orgasm?
 How To Have Amazing Orgasms
 The Chemistry Of Love
 Games You Can Play
 Tantric Sex
 Pregnancy and Babies
 Sensual Poetry by Ishfold
 I Dream Of You
 Nothing
 Snow Mouse
 All Is Vanity
 Flight Of Birds
 It Isn't Natural
 White Cat
 In the Shadow Of Her Hat
 Shy One
 The Freckle
 Submit!
 Wotta Works Shops
 Wotta Works
 The Green Cat
 ALCHEMyKOOL
 TRIPPSyDELICA
 Wotta Works Services Shoppe
 Wotta Waters Perfumery
 Spells & Magickal Services
 Wottascopes
 Tarot & Divination
 Custom Spell-Work
 Occult Advice
 Soul Insurance Services
 Soul Insurance Testimonials
 Free Samples of Heaven, Hell and Much. Much More - Holographic Downloads
 Submit Your ™T-Empirica Testimonials
 Read The ™T-Empirica Testimonials Here!
 Testimonials for Spells and Magickal Services
 The Well of Wotta
 What Happens When I Die, Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Magick Godmother Service
 How To Apply For Godchild Status
 Apply For Godchild Status
 Submit Your DNA Sample Here
 The Happy Godchild Fridge Art Gallery
 Magick Godmother Service Testimonials
 Wotta Tripp Invisible College Of Magick
 About WOTTICOM
 WOTTICOM Curriculum
 Letter Writing Services
 About Your Personal Letter
 Personal Letter Order Form
 Eliminate Your Crooked Business Partner
 Fire Your Hideous Boss
 Dump Your Cheating Lover
 Lose Your Selfish Unreliable Friend
 Permanently Alienate The Mother-in-Law From Hell
 I'm Very, Very Sorry
 Will You Marry Me?
 Letter Writing Service Testimonials
 You Need A Darn Good Telling Off!
 Order A Darn Good Telling Off!
 Craig Dooley - the 'Darn Good Telling Off' you ordered has now arrived
 Cy Hunnicutt, The 'Darn Good Telling Off' You Ordered Has Arrived!
 Twyla Pipstaff - The 'Darn Good Telling Off' You Ordered Has Now arrived
 Confessional
 Confess!
 Written Confession
 Penance
 Absolution
 Absolution Granted!
 Wottribution
 Wottribution Has Begun!
 Punishment
 The Dungeon
 Punishment Testimonials
 Did The World End In 2012, Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Beyond 2012 Questions With Answers From Dame Wotta Tripp
 Absolutely Scandalous! - Dame Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum
 Join Absolutely Scandalous! - Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum
 WTF Radio
 FIFF
 Contact!
 Contact Dame Wotta Tripp by Ouija Board
 Advice Letters
 What The Dickens?
 4-Bottle Technique
 Talk Backwards to Me
 Ostrich Leather
 Seeing Eye to Eye on Fidelity Issue
 Delirious Fetish Dressing for Wedding Salads
 Stealing People Is Wrong
 Absolute Loyalty Demanded By Goat Flayer
 Wotta Tripp Is Too Late!
 Amazing Fortune at Bus Stop!
 A Slight Magical Hiccup
 Tantric Mishaps Reveal Inadequate Companion
 Fowl Play
 Swarming With Dwarfs At The 'Ferrets Revenge'!
 Where Do Men Store Their Egos? Straight Shooting Advice
 Pale, Hairless and Would Never Fit In Anyway.
 Demonic Terror Unleashed
 When it Comes to the Crunch
 I Know Where You Live
 Liquored-Up Beasts
 The Dreadful Secrets of Dust
 Dear Dam Wotta Tipp Lady
 Floating Posers Make Retinal Fairies Take Flight!
 Me sheila’s Missing
 Scrupulously Clean Bottom
 Hey
 In and Out
 Darkness Gathers
 Co-Respondent in Detroit
 Concrete Proof is in the Graham Pudding
 Time to Join the Real World, Baby
 Soul Services
 Man Killed by Enraged Cabbage Whites
 Advice Column Testimonials
 Links
 Site Map
 Terms of Use and Site Policy
 Site Privacy Policy