GAMEs YOU CAN PLAY TOGETHER
We are all adults here together, and if you are not grown up yet you must leave here immediately before the web site guardians detect you, which could lead to three nights of very scary nightmares for trespassing, and possibly a stern letter to your parent or caregiver.
When we see the warning on the television 'This program contains graphic scenes of violence, adult situations, nudity and coarse language' we know intuitively that this doesn't really matter, because most homes contain all of those things as well in one way or another, so let us not be too coy or shy.
Games are for playing.
So we will forge ahead and see what type of games there are that you can all play together.
First, a Word About Normalcy
People write to me for sexual advice and they say "Wotta Tripp, what is average? Am I normal?"
Nearly everybody is average, because that is what it means, although that doesn't make it desirable as an aspiration.
Normal can only be measured by humans in a meaningful way by Earth standards, but I assure you that there are more advanced civilizations, some of whom come from inside this planet and some from other worlds entirely, who would find most of you very far from normal.
Still, we have what we have, and shall have to work with it.
As most people completely fail to understand their own drives and motivations, they stand very little chance of understanding another person correctly.
Of course, this doesn't stop people from
attempting to do so, and there is a lot of squabbling and some very hurt feelings as a result of all this.
Despite the fact that many of you are rather strange, Wotta Tripp is sure that you are entitled to be as peculiar as you like, especially in your own homes.
Your abode should be a safe haven where you can do what you want to in private. It's best not give out keys to friends, leave your door unlocked or allow people to drop by unannounced whenever they feel like it.
Nobody close to you would ever get over bursting in on you like that, and most of you understand what Wotta Tripp means. But you are still normal.
Know The Rules
Most people fantasize, but turning such daydreams into a reality is thankfully easier said than done.
It's important to keep lover's games realistic in terms of comfort and safety. If one or more of you require a safety helmet in order to carry your fantasies out, then it might be wise to re-think, or in extreme circumstances even re-group.
It is also important to understand your partner's needs and limits.
Take for an example those with masochistic tendencies. Many people cannot comprehend how another might enjoy pain and find it arousing.
What they fail to realise from their own egocentrically-based point of view is that the one who finds pleasure in pain does not experience it as pain in the same way as someone who doesn't enjoy it and finds it, well, painful.
On a trauma-free planet it wouldn't be an issue, but until things have evolved a bit people will be forced into the moulds of masochist or sadist or even sado-masochist by childhood experiences.
We must be patient with each other and administer punishment as required. Remember, for those in need, administer to minister.
If you are scared or disgusted by the thought of sexual games then perhaps you need a little therapy to remove the blocks you have accidently created against sexual intimacy.
Don't rely on sexy games to mend a broken relationship. There's no point adding spice to a dried and burned-up stew.
Basic relationship problems can stand in the way of a fully satisfying sex life, so attend to any serious issues, if necessary seeking professional help.
Then start playing.
Let the Games Begin
So what kind of games are available? Although there may be
some traditional love games, the scope of available scenarios is limited only by the imaginations of the participants.
Here are some ideas to get you started in the games of love, which when fully psychologically understood are startling, disturbing and not very savoury.
The fact remains that some human beings seem to find it necessary for their precarious mental balance to play such little fantasies out, often in full dress-up, so Dame Wotta Tripp must cater to these slightly eccentric people as well.
Many people enjoy peering through keyholes. Of course, in this day and age, there aren't so many keyholes as there used to be, but mobile keyholes can be constructed if desired.
Allow your lover to snoop around all day or evening, just out of sight, spying on you. They may be outside, peering in the windows, crouched hidden in a closet not three feet away from you or perhaps staring at you through a keyhole or crack in the door.
Perhaps they have drilled a small hole in the floor or ceiling in a strategic position, all the better to view you from above or below.
It is your job now to behave in a titillating manner that is designed to arouse your peeping Tom or Thomasina sexually. You must keep behaving sensually for the pre-agreed amount of time, and you are limited only by your imagination when it comes to provocative behaviours and actions.
Although either sex can take the role of peeper, men tend to be slightly better in the roll, often failing miserably at behaving in a seductive manner.
The idea is to create a sexual tension that will result in an unforgettable romantic experience.
We do not want people injured in falls from ladders and suchlike while laughing helplessly at the antics of the decidedly un-alluring people that they are spying on.
2o Naughty Questions
A new twist on the old game of '2o Questions', this spiced-up version can be played over dinner or even while you are out together, although the 'prize' should probably be given in private, later on.
You can take it in turn to ask questions by playing the game more than once. The one who will be the 'answerer' must select a titillating sexual fact or secret about themselves that the 'questioner' must discover before the end of the game.
Answers can only be 'yes' or 'no', and the secret must be discovered by the time the 20 questions have all been asked.
The winner receives a pre-determined sexual treat as the prize. Have as many games as you want to.
Many bedroom games provide an opportunity to do a strip-tease for the one you lust after.
Pick any simple game, such as Simon Says, strip poker, or a favourite card or board game.
Now jazz it up, changing the rules of the game to suit yourselves, transforming it into a sexy situation where there are new and daring moves that you can make together.
Decide on treats, penalties and what the winner - or loser - will get before you start.
Just think what you could do with Snakes and Ladders!
A Surprise Pillow Fight
Men are usually excited by the idea of pillow fights, but nobody quite knows why.
Purchase or make at least two feather-stuffed pillows. They will be a bit different from ordinary pillows. Let's call them 'piñata pillows' instead and prepare for some innocent but naughty fun.
Unpick the stitching part-way on one side of your pillows (or leave one side unstitched if you are making your own) and stuff novelty sex toys and other little treats among the feathers.
Note: use real, new feather pillows and make sure the treats hiding in the pillows are not just condoms. While designer condoms will be appreciated, for real fun you could do a lot better, and a shower of dingy and disintegrating foam rubber chips clinging to dozens of packets of condoms might not have the desired effect on the one you adore.
There are many things you can place lovingly among the pillow feathers.
Below are some ideas for your Piñata Pillow. They will come tumbling out in a pretty shower amid a whirling snow-storm of love-feathers:
· Fancy condoms - they come in so many shapes, sizes, colours, textures, flavours and novelty shapes that it could get bewildering. Some may even be computerized by now. For those who like to fish, it can be likened to finding yourself in a tackle shop with all the different types of fishing lures in the world present at once. If you don't know where to begin with your selection, close your eyes and stick a pin in one to get started.
· A selection of small sex toys that will fit easily into your pillows and not injure anyone when they fall out. Some of the smallest are the most novel and interesting - now is the perfect time to experiment.
· Some lingerie, or a thoughtful pair of socks.
· A surprise present of jewelry, wrapped.
· A few miniature bottles of a favourite aperitif. Make sure that they are plastic bottles, though, or you'll be dealing with splintered glass, minor lacerations, soaked feathers and a furious lover.
· A small plastic bottle of a sensuous massage oil. Note: for some of the men who might be attempting this, motor oil won't do, and neither will cans of beer and DVDs of sporting events, all packed into shredded toilet roll filled pillow-cases.
· Some sexy and colourful edible treats, such as candies, individually-wrapped chocolate liqueurs or Turkish delight. If you feel extra naughty you might add some edible candy sex-toys.
· A sexy, flavoured lubricant that heats-up, tingles or perhaps flashes on and off.
Pillow fights are traditionally conducted in night attire or in scanty-to-no clothing at all. Move breakable, spill-able items before you begin, and put out anything that is on fire, such as cigarettes, candles or the bed, prior to beginning your hopefully private frolic.
Close Encounters of the Other Kind
Do you dream of being abducted by aliens and subjected to terrible indignities?
A surprising number of people do. Of course, if you really do get abducted by aliens, the idea will naturally be abhorrent to you.
This fantasy is mainly for people who have watched a lot of science fiction but still don't know the real truth.
For these people, nothing would please them more than having their partner dress up as the preferred species of alien, strap them down to a hard metal table and subject them to a fearsome and prolonged probing.
Dame Wotta Tripp is sighing heavily and a bit sadly, but she receives so many disturbing letters and pleas for help - how can she refuse to bring aid and succour to the needy and perverted?
The Massage Parlour
A nice, relaxing evening being catered to by... oh yes - that's your better half standing there by the bed or table, dressed in that sexy outfit and brandishing a bottle of massage oil!
Time to turn yourself over to his or her devastatingly delicious and sinfully sensuous massage technique. All you need now is some warm towels and your happy ending.
The Bohemian Picnic
The artistic lifestyle is not for everyone, but letting loose and getting colourfully down and dirty is a delightful and freeing experience for many people, even if it's only once in a while that they indulge.
You can play at 'artist and artist's model' or any other tantalizing and exotic scenario that you can dream up.
Purchase some non-toxic body paints. You might also need some plastic to lay down on a comfy area of the floor, so as not to get paint everywhere, because your bodies are going to provide the canvas for you and your lover to make your personal artistic statements upon.
If you're lucky enough to have a private space outside as well as warm weather, even better, and you can ditch the plastic.
You could get a few props, such as peacock feathers, absinthe, crystal glasses, jet beads, patchouli oil, a hookah pipe along with a picnic lunch fit for two talented painters such as yourself and your sexy lover.
Make sweet art all over each other and tuck into your decadent Bohemian picnic. Look deeply into each other's eyes and feed each other. Watch out for wasps while you are distracted.
Be playful. Have a lot of fun. You can take a warm shower together afterwards and then put ointment on each other's insect bites.
The Midnight Rendezvous
A magical setting on a warm summer evening, a burbling stream reflecting the moonlight, moss, scented night blossoms, a velvet blanket and you and your sweetheart sharing a glass of mead, the sweet, fermented honey wine of lovers.
Fairy lanterns and sweet summer peaches with French cheese, grapes and crusty bread and butter. Decadent cream cakes, gourmet chocolates with floral centers. It can be anything you want. Meet your fairy partner in the woods for a magical assignation.
Do watch out for brambles, bears, badgers and the like, though, as they can spoil a romantic mood - and meal - rather quickly.
A darker theme, one of you plays a prisoner and the other a guard. If there are more than two of you playing, that's OK. There are plenty of characters and situations to select from in a fantasy jail situation.
You might wish to purchase some hand-cuffs, uniforms and similar props before you act out your sordid little fantasies, hopefully well away from the public eye.
But don't feel too ashamed, it's alright, you're in very good company. Some very famous people have worn handcuffs over the years, both willingly and unwillingly.
Doctor and Patient
Surely the most sinister and disturbing of all the games when seen in the sickly light (or should I perhaps say dark) of the wholesale corruption, mis-management, false diagnoses, pill-pushing, dangerous drugs, destructive 'slash and burn' procedures, filthy hospitals and perilous vaccines with which the pharmaceutical and medical mafia industries between them are credited.
Gosh, how exciting! It's like building a sexual fantasy around a war-ravaged land full of sick, misshapen and dying people ruled over by a greedy and murderous plutocracy which owns a lot of incinerators and sexy probing equipment.
If this is your chosen fantasy you must appreciate pain and danger more than most people, so Dame Wotta Tripp cautions care!
You might instead enjoy the sport of 'extreme coupling' (better known as sporn), a pastime for consummate hard-core thrill-seekers who attempt sexual congress while in the middle of extreme-sports activities, such as parachuting. parasailing, bungee jumping, rock-climbing, spelunking, horse-riding, white-water rafting and snorkelling.
If you still want to play at doctors and patients instead, Wotta Tripp advises you to proceed with great caution.
An erotic side-road that you may not have explored, if you are aroused by tales of vampires and otherworldly characters, this might be a game that you can enjoy.
Eat first though, because just locating some prosthetic fangs, donning the jewelry and completing the make-up may exhaust those with weaker constitutions, leaving little energy left for biting and lunging.
But you could always curl up on the sofa with your love and watch a vampire movie together instead. Share a bottle of blod-red Sangria and some popcorn and have an early night.
You've been very naughty, haven't you? and you know you have to be punished!
Many people, but particularly boys, become fixated sexually on events in childhood that relate to being scolded and chastised, physically punished or caught 'misbehaving', particularly if the perceived wrongdoing was itself sexually-related.
Having thus permanently ruined their offspring's potential for a normal sexual relationship in the future, parents are often the target of a secret undying rage from adult children who are wearing their partners underwear and are caught seemingly eternally in an endless cycle of spanking and yet still more spanking.
No wonder some women have well-developed and muscular forearms.
If you wish to experiment, or finally admit your guilty fantasies to your partner, then go right ahead.
You might be surprised at how eagerly your darling will leap to your aid and give you a darn good thrashing.
Play this mind-stimulating game with your lover over a glass or two of wine. Just make sure that all the wicked, probably pornographic words you select are related in some way to love or sex.
You may use a dictionary. Winner takes the loser. Put all the letters away first, it would be a shame to damage or even lose them entirely in the ensuing fray.
A surprising amount of men and women enjoy contact sports, and a percentage of people find it downright sexy.
If you're the physical type, consider learning to wrestle or box with your significant other. Not only will you be able to work out your simmering aggressions and irritations in a relatively safe way, you might find it turning you on.
Wear protective clothing though, particularly the men. Protect the soft and wrinkly portions of your anatomy, because, to put it bluntly, life happens.
See life happening in the charming little gallery below which focuses on the intimacy and eroticism of contact sports. It also shows clearly where the inspiration for all those multi-person war monument sculptures came from.
Strong, Brutal Women
Some men really appreciate a strong, even brutal woman, and a good thing it is too! However feminine are your wiles, it is always best to retain a strong, hard, independent core.
If you decide bravely to take the plunge and play out some, or all, of your fantasies, in the end, as long as you aren't hurting anyone (too much), it's nobody else's business how you and your possibly massively long line of lovers enjoy yourselves.
Finding out about your own and other people's sexuality in a safe environment can be a sacred experience.
Of course, if things go wrong in some way, your fantasy could take on an entirely nightmarish aspect.
There are times when you should extricate yourself from a situation to save yourself - and possibly your partner - further embarrassment, or even injury.
Make sure that the area you stage your real-life sexual fantasy in is safe.
It's rather like a small theatre that you are performing in, whether a little crowd is watching you or not, and sometimes you will require props for your special play that might become dangerous under certain circumstances.
Remember, if an ambulance has to be called for you it will be extremely humiliating and possibly expensive as well. You won't live it down in a hurry, especially if you live in a small town.
Always take Dame Wotta Tripp's excellent advice seriously and practice safe sets.