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Liquored-Up Beasts

October 18 2011
Written by: Dame Wotta Tripp Advice 

G. Campbell Can Wear Depends

Dear Wotta, I felt I had to write to you, I feel so spiritually close to you. My pastor actually believes that animals have souls.

This thrills me, as I love animals and my previous pastor thought they were soulless and unimportant, much as goths and the like.

My dog G. Campbell was given some beer while I wasn’t present by a rather bad person. He got horribly drunk and I don’t wish to go into the details of what he did here in this letter.

He still gets terribly excited by the slightest whiff of alcohol, leading to a complete loss of bladder control and indoor accidents.

Now my joy has turned to grief as I am constantly worried that my dog will end up in hell. Could this be possible? Please help!

Thanking you in advance,
Wanda Campbell

Dear Wanda,
I absolutely disagree with giving any animal or creature mind-altering substances.

And of course animals have souls, also Goths, but I’m not sure about your pastor.

Animals inhabit the many Heavenworlds and interior plains peacefully and prolifically.

Hell is a state of mind. It’s cold, not hot. Hell is often experienced right here on planet Earth.
There is no eternal Hell - it’s a very obvious lie, designed to keep you in place - which it does very well.

As far as your dog Campbell is concerned, although many people don’t realize this, it’s a fact that imbibing alcoholic beverages and partaking of drugs is seasonally prolific among diverse species, voluntarily.

Many birds get deliberately and completely hammered when fermentation takes place naturally within their food supply.

Hummingbirds spar angrily with each other at neglected feeders full of perilous red nectar, making them extremely dangerous to any humans in the vicinity.

A Quaffing Humming Bird
If you were to visit the homes of the sort of people who used to be featured in Harrowsmith Magazine, you would see that a substantial amount of them wear eye patches.
The connection should be obvious.

Although I’m sure that glass artist Dale Chihuly lost his eye in a car accident as reported, it’s not beyond the bounds of reason that he was momentarily but hypnotically attracted to the sun blazing through the glorious crimson  glass of a humming bird feeder.

He may have wandered closer only to become the victim of a vicious attack received from one of these extremely territorial creatures, enraged by fermented syrup and by now totally bladdered (the humming bird, that is), and intent on protecting it’s stash.

I wouldn’t wish to advertise an incident like that either, especially with a rapidly rising career.

For instance, in the correct season the African veldt is teeming with a  wide selection of inebriated creatures, many of whom will have accidents attempting to navigate in the usual manner.

They will literally injure themselves falling from trees while blotto, slipping sideways into bodies of water and dropping heavily to the ground,

The elegance of nature is noticeably absent on these occasions. Ripped, animals and birds attempt to walk with their legs crossed, like humans.

Flying and swimming are out of the question for creatures that are three sheets to the wind.

We all know people that are permanently ploughed, even if they’re incapable of standing up to be counted.

There may in fact be an excellent reason for this. The brains of both humans and animals contain protein-based receptors that allow for response to drugs of various types, as keys fit into locks.

I have frequent difficulties when dealing with the problems of some of the more evangelistic Christian humans who write to me for advice. I do keep trying to explain things to them, but it’s almost impossible to tunnel through the multiple layers of brainwashing to any good effect.
Please try to comprehend: evolution as you perceive it to be was not responsible for these receptors. No, not at all! They were inserted into the DNA during the long-ago time, quite a while after your present prototype was first created in what was a huge genetic experiment.

One of the main reasons for this was to create a living genetic library and spiritual evolutionary opportunity on one of the most beautiful planets anywhere, and everybody involved in the project did try very, very hard!

These receptors were originally designed as interfaces with various substances so all life could still commune and communicate interdimensionally together, but they were adapted and used to control people with.

This was an extremely long time ago, and many things have unfortunately changed since the beginning, and not by design, as the original plan was in line with the Divine Creative Principle.

For instance, you are all now slaves and yet most of you have not yet worked it out.

You may write to me if this bothers you, but in my experience until the beer runs out, sports events become less compelling, with many deflated balls in evidence, and the doors of the organized religious institutions of the world close permanently, you will not grasp even the basic concept that you are at present utterly controlled.
And all of this is just about to change again, perhaps during this very lifetime you are living out on Earth right now! After you have realized the real truth and dealt with the trauma, there is a way for you all to become free and evolve. But that’s another story entirely.

Why not get G. Campbell some de-alcoholized beer, or mix him a shandy on special occasions? Then you can have a beer together. He can wear 'Depends'. It wil not damage his immortal soul, but only your rugs, very slightly.

Dame Wotta Tripp   
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