Dame Wotta Tripp Advice - How To Behave When You Go On A Date

Both men and women flirt extensively with each other, and always have done.

They flirt at work, at parties, in jail, on the bus, in the bar, up mountains, underwater, at lunch, in church, at picnics, and in outer space - in short, anywhere an opportunity presents itself.

Unfortunately, men and women flirt differently and often with the expectation of completely different outcomes.

This ensures that conflict of an age-old nature can in effect begin unnoticed right away, often even before an impending couple have even been introduced.

This gives everything a satisfying edge that while seeming at first pleasing is already tilling the earth and sprouting the seeds that will bloom into future run-ins of a more hostile nature.

Ahh, the joys of love and romance!

All the same, you will nearly all go ahead and take the first wobbly steps down the slippery, wild-rose and primrose-strewn path.

Flirting
A game played for many thousands of years around the world, flirting comes naturally to many people.

Not everyone is comfy with flirting, however. Some people don't even know how to flirt.

It can be over-done and insensitively handled. You may end the evening wearing your drink if you lack tact and empathy.

For these inept few who tend to act as though they had pokers inserted up their behinds, flirting can be a scary business that occurs in foreign, even *alien territory.
*If you are in fact an alien please email Dame Wotta Tripp privately for specialized advice. We can discuss plutonium and quantum technologies in confidentiality.

Keep your clothing sophisticated and not too revealing. A little can go a long way, and you want to leave an air of enticing mystery, not an impression of an anatomy poster.

So don't overdo it. Wear your most tasteful accessories and remember, less is more. A good haircut and good shoes are a must!

Below are two lists, one comprised of acceptable forms of flirting and dating behaviour while the other highlights what you should not do - that is if you want a relationship, or even a conversation.

The following are things that you should do on a date:

• Do look your date directly in the eyes and smile frequently, without leering.
• Do flip your hair, especially if you are a woman. Nobody knows why it is done, but nevertheless it is, almost everywhere. Be careful not to do it so rambunctiously that it whips your dates contact lens out onto the ground, unless of course you don't want to be seen clearly.
• Talk slowly and not too loudly. Make your date lean in a little to hear you better. Maintain eye contact, but look directly right between your companions eyes (in the area you will want to shoot them in later on if you do actually get together) when you are talking meaningfully to them.
• Do be honest about what you are looking for. Note, however, that if you're only seeking sex you should make this clear in the first two minutes of your 'date'. This will make it a lot more economical for you because your dates will mainly get up and leave before you've spent a penny.
• You can find out what your date does for a living, but don't discuss problems you are having at work.
• Be confident. Men, women & others all prefer to date confident, self-assured people.
• Ask your date questions about themselves, but don't make them too personal. Showing a genuine interest in someone can be a turn-on for them but asking them if they enjoy wearing rubber is coming on too strong.
• It's acceptable to ask someone for a kiss on a first date. Try asking about two thirds of the way through the date, unless you are already in bed. It's better than trying at that awkward moment when you are saying goodnight. And no, you shouldn't ask them into your home or accept an invitation from them to come in for a nightcap on a first date, because there will almost always be expectations.
• If you are going for dinner select a special menu. Eat politely but sensually while making eye contact. Don't be too suggestive, though - you can frighten someone off.

Here is a list of things you should not ever do while chatting somebody up and flirting, or while out (or in) on a date. As usual in life, there are a lot more don'ts than do's:

• Do not hover over or grovel to the object of your affections. Do not have puppy-eyes. It's repellent. Do not drool on them either. Have a little self-respect!
• Don't leer and grimace at someone or hood your eyes in a horrible parody of what you believe to be your favourite movie stars hottest 'look'.
• Make an effort to think of yourself as worthy and try not to show your inner confusion, near-panic, desperation and total lack of confidence.
• When you give somebody a compliment, ensure it is genuine and comes from the heart. Nobody wants to receive a compliment that seems to have its origin inside someone's pants. It's most unhygienic.
• Do not invade someone's personal space or start touching or pawing at them. An extremely unattractive trait, it could more easily be construed as an assault than as flirting. People will always remember the face of the fool who was ejected forcibly from the establishment, even if they can't put a name to it.
• When rejected at a party or in a bar, do not move from person to person in the room, flirting with them in descending order of personal desirability until you are all out of options. You might not remember the next day, but as in the previous example, everybody else will be able to recall your fatal character flaw for many years, if not for ever.
• Do not go out unwashed and odorous. It is not 'manly', even in a women.
• Don't fidget, scratch or put your hands or fingers near any orifice (your own or anyone else's) unless eating or drinking. And take control over all bodily functions firmly, as long as they're your own.
• Don't dominate the conversation. It's imperative to learn the art of listening and at least pretend to be interested in what someone else is saying. Do not allow your eyes to glaze over or keep wandering to any intimate body part other than your dates face. Maintain eye-contact if sober enough.
• Don't get drunk or high in front of a person you are trying to impress. Your eyes should both be pointing in the same direction at all times unless you have some unfortunate congenital condition (and no, I am not referring to an STD. Educate yourselves!). Falling heavily sideways on top of your date, spilling drinks over them, singing lewd songs loudly or vomiting on their shoes is not very conducive to romance, now or in the future.
• A tip for men particularly, women still appreciate a little chivalry, but be very cautious when pulling a ladies chair out for her at a restaurant if you are inebriated or have very bad coordination. It could result in your female companion sitting down suddenly on the floor in front of the entire room. Also, gentlemen and ladies, do not attempt to pull the chair out from under your seated companion just because you are irritable or in a spiteful mood. It could result in a broken coccyx and a lawsuit.
• Bringing up an ex is a big no-no, even if you don't say anything too horrendous about them. And if you do mention the huge fight you had before you split up, with both of your possessions somehow flying through the windows and ending up in the courtyard four floors down, along with the bottle of vodka that ended up being poured over someone's head, and the police coming - well, when you finally say goodbye to your date, it will mean just that.
• Discussing your health issues will put any prospective lover who isn't very strange off. Your hernia and sweaty truss are possibly the subjects of nightmares rather than dates. Also, nobody wishes to be regaled with travel tales that include descriptions of temporary intestinal disorders complete with onomatopoeic sound effects.
• Don't grin inanely. Looking like a constipated chimp won't get you anywhere. Whereas a genuine sense of humour can be a blessing on a date, if you aren't gifted in that way, don't even try! People like to laugh, but they are permanently put off by clowns and fools.
• Don't behave or speak in a sexist manner. Grazed knuckles caused by dragging them along the road as you walk are not pleasant to observe. You won't be holding hands or any other body-part that way.
• And finally, gentlemen - never, never ever style your hair in the aptly-named 'mullet'. Ladies! Do not listen to 'Abba'. And none of you should listen to 'Rush'! Some believe, perhaps a little unkindly, that those discovered guilty of any of these social crimes should receive the death penalty. While I feel this is a little harsh, I do feel a light prison sentence might be in order.