Dame Wotta Tripp Advice Who is Dame Wotta Tripp? Wotta Tripp's Credentials Personals Night Letters Romance and Relationship Advice Confessional Absolutely Scandalous! - Dame Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum Contact! Advice Letters Site Map Terms of Use and Site Policy

 

 

Delirious Fetish Dressing for Wedding Salads 

September 11 2011 
Written by: Dame Wotta Tripp Advice 
 
Salad Dressing Fetish
 
Hello, Dame Wotta.
I would like to know your opinion on one thing:
What kind of salad dressing should I throw at my wedding guests that will not leave stains?

Let me cut to the chase. I have a fetish. It involves salad dressing.

I just don't think I can truly love my fiancé properly until she accepts this fetish and/or develops a similar or even more exciting one.

She's 39 and I'm 42. We're a good looking couple and we have been together for 3 years. We both have satisfying careers. What more could I want, right?

Wrong!
 
I need to cover people in salad dressing, and I thought that if she and I could do this together, at our wedding, then she would learn to love it (i.e. exposure therapy for a fear of snakes involving holding and eating raw snakes, etc.).

Whenever I ask her to wear the dressing it upsets her. She's a bit of a selfish cow in that way, but I thought that maybe if I can convince her that I'm right and that she's wrong during the wedding it'll be worth it.
 
It has to be during the wedding because I've dreamed of my honeymoon being a certain way for three long years.

Salad Dressing Temptation
 
Whenever I smell that vinaigrette, I just tingle inside.

The thing is, I have to get enough dressing on her and everyone else so that she can see how lovely it truly is.

I did try a surprise conversion method at home once and unfotunately it did no go well.

She stopped speaking to me for five and a half days, but I didn't know she was wearing an expensive coat borrowed from her sister at the time of my attempt.

She thinks that she didn't like it. I know that if I had used more dressing she would have realized that she liked it a lot.

I don't mind if her wedding dress gets stained (that would be kind of nice) but I don't want to stain my favorite orange tie.

 
 
What brand of dressing would you recommend?

Your admirer,
Nigel

PS If you could send me a proper photo of yourself without the hat I could Photoshop it and show you what you would look like in ‘thousand islands’, if this interests you?

 

Dear Nigel,
Well, you are a special boy, aren’t you?

Unlike yourself, I’m not interested in dressing without salad, but only for dinner, so I find myself unable to grant your photographic request.

The more practical solution to your problem I may be able to help you deal with.

Any obsessive preoccupation can swiftly become abnormal if you cannot allow yourself to have a fulfilling relationship with one who does not share your (in this case, excessively messy) compulsion.

It may make more sense to cut your losses and save her from future heartbreak by admitting to your fiancée the full extent of your strangely distorted desires, and honestly telling her that it would be easier for you to live without her than without salad dressing.

If she still wants your worthless and oily hide after this, there is nothing further I can do.

At this point it might make more sense to have a themed wedding, beginning your new life as you mean to go on, with every single relative and guest associated with both families hating you utterly and in unison.

You may also have to sell all your wedding gifts to cover dry-cleaning bills. If you must continue up this slippery slope then nothing can alter the fact that it will be a long slide downhill from the top, with a bumpy but squishy landing.

Some will wash their hands of you, and rightly so, because the marks, scuffs and fingerprints persons such as yourself leave behind are nothing short of criminal.

You are an expensive nuisance!

Having said that, if you are determined to go ahead, below is my recipe for 'Delirious Fetish Dressing', especially designed for your adult-only wedding reception to set those lovely tingles going.

If the wedding is called off, this recipe can be used for one of those yummy ‘dressing-down everyone’ parties.

Delirious Fetish Dressing (or Serious Salad Sensuality), bulk wedding serving:
48 cups white wine vinegar
96 cups liquid virgin coconut oil
96 cups virgin olive oil
3 oz fresh dill weed, chopped finely
6 oz fresh weed, ground finely
6 oz organic honey
Lemon, orange and grapefruit zest to taste
Dash of Tabasco only (careful of all those precious eyes!)
Sea salt and ground black pepper to taste

Blend until the consistency appears correct – do not over-homogenize. Best
refrigerated for 48 hours. Allow 2 hours at room temperature before use.

Reserve a portion for hurling at party guests. May I suggest one and a half cups per person?

Afterwards, you will need the recipe below for removing the stains, and possibly a solicitor. This is the only chance you will have to remove the stains.
 
Serious Salad Sensuality Removal (works well for fabric and skin):
Blot the areas by stroking gently with a dampened sponge. Apply Stubben Saddle Soap and scrub vigorously with a stiff-bristled brush.

This works for asphalt stains too. Now mix a lot of dish-washing liquid with equal parts of glycerine and a lot more water. Load into high-powered water pistols and arm all your guests. Fight until everyone comes clean.
 
I wish you all the best,
Wotta Tripp!

PS: About your orange tie, if you don’t want to get dressing on it, try
encasing it in a long plastic bag before you don it for your special day!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Advice Letters Njght Letters Home Shop!


 

Dame Wotta Tripp Is For Hire!
Pay her good money to destroy your rival's (or your own) website, magazine or company with her exemplary advice and articles. No business too large!

Testimonials:

"Once you see her, you will never forget her" is exactly true, when you're talking about DWT. Dazzling demonstrations of mind reading! She had the audience in the palm of her hand & blew us away by accurately revealing our inner thoughts! She divulged phone numbers, social security numbers, personal addresses & the names of lovers, all while still making us laugh, smile and dance!"

- Trend Realty Executives Awards 

Dame Wotta Tripp drew vast amounts of business my way due to the publicity surrounding the court case - I would recommend her writing with absolutely no reservations (it's too late anyway) wottsoever.

- London Ted

"We thank Dame Wotta Tripp again for her  presentation which was incredibly entertaining and frankly, astounding! Those of us who are still working here look forward to seeing her at next year's culling."

- Black Tide Commerce, Inc. 

Dame Wotta Tripp Can Help Even You

Click on the picture above to see how Wotta Tripp can help even you!

"All  barriers of race and custom disappeared because of her phenomenal audience interaction. The fact that Wotta Tripp got a lengthy standing ovation from this diverse group as they tried to find the exit before smoke engulfed the building shows that she is the absolute best!" 

- Grieve & Associates

 

"The rave reviews about Dame Wotta Tripp 's performance are still circulating . Her sizzling presentation wrapped up our awards banquet, both at the Yacht Club and afterwards in the hospital emergency room. She blew us out of the water!"   

- Edge Commerce 2011 Global Sales Kick-Off

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp's customized presentation reinforced our message of client connectivity in a unique and memorable way, while her mentalism demonstrations were not only out of this world, but also eerie! How does she know so much? How does she tell you not only the city and address of your home, but then also describe what the rooms look like from the inside and how you behave in them when you're having an episode?"

- Beyond Hope Mental Health Association 

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp brought laughs, amazement, and fun to our meeting, providing magic audience participation, with people repeatedly appearing and disappearing all night long. This set a perfect tone for our year's-end meeting."

- Association for the Visually Impaired

 

"Thankfully, there is no way that anyone else can do what Dame Wotta Tripp does. During cocktails Dame Wotta mingled with us all and performed some of her one-on-one psychic readings and then remained after her presentation for almost twelve hours, reading minds and talking to our customers, all the while keeping the exit doors magically locked ... incredible!"

- Entwhistle Locksmiths' Association

 

"At our National Manager’s meeting Dame Wotta was fantastic. Her informative, inspirational, yet entertaining presentation struck straight to the heart of the matter. Right after the event her books went flying right off the table! Fortunately, there were few injuries reported and the evenings undertakings continued in a sensational manner. Nobody can hold a candle to her!"

- Phoenix Casket Company, Inc. 

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp's performance stopped traffic & mesmerized the crowd. However, she didn’t stop there, creating a huge buzz at our show by drawing thousands of attendees & successfully driving qualified leads right through our booth. The loud splintering noises attracted a huge crowd. You get more than your money's worth, when you use Wotta Tripp!"

-  Fortune Construction Ltd.

 

"Dame Wotta Tripp did a fantastic job helping our movement become the center of attention on the trade show floor. We more than doubled our total traffic and had a whopping increase in leads. We have never, ever had to change the toilet rolls at our trade show before - we had to change them twice this year! The best money we’ve ever spent!"

- Blinding Insight Movement

 

 Dame Wotta Tripp Advice
 Who is Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Wotta Tripp's Credentials
 Interview with DWT
 DWT Can Help Even You!
 Cat's Corner - Ishfold, Mog & Widgeon
 Paws for Thought
 Announcing Ishfold's First Novel!
 Hexting - The Power of a Cat's Curse
 Felidicta - A Cat's Dictionary
 Letters to Ishfold
 Is Dame Wotta Scary in Real Life?
 Cats Everywhere!
 Does Ishfold Have A Girlfriend?
 How To Stop Coughing
 Justine Is A Bit Curious
 What Is Hyperspace?
 Helping André to Be Himself
 Star Kittens
 Simply Beastly Book
 Digestive Issues
 A Cat's Tail
 Fast And Nasty
 Perfect Mashed Potatoes Every Time
 Out in the Open - Essays by Ishfold
 The Jellyfishies
 Procuring A Human
 Naming Your New Kitty
 Where Does Your Cat Or Kitten Sleep?
 Cat Grooming
 It May Be Your Fault That Your Cat Is Going Bald!!
 The Horse Chestnut Tree
 Cats Are Absolutely Wonderful!
 Making Guests Welcome
 Looking Reproachfully At People
 Opposable Thumbs and Wings
 Send an E-Card
 Wotta Tripp Dating
 Cold Dawn
 Fuglings
 My Spud-Muffin
 Oddjobs
 Pixie Pleasures
 Stalk Only Me
 Sweet 'n' High
 Wotta Arrangement! - Marriages Arranged Just For You
 Please Arrange My Marriage, Wotta Tripp!
 Personals
 Place A Personal Advertisement Free
 Dating Testimonials
 Night Letters Romance and Relationship Advice
 How To Meet The Right People
 How To Behave When You Go On A Date
 The Dangerous Side Of Love
 Your Decision - Ethics Versus Morals
 How To Become More Confident
 Do Your Emotions Betray You?
 Effective Communication
 How Can I Save My Relationship?
 Money And Romance
 Turn The Heat Up Under Your Relationship
 Keeping Your Relationship Fresh
 In-Laws And Other Monstrosities
 Interference And Manipulation
 Teen Romance
 Is Your Partner Having An Affair?
 How To Catch Them Cheating!
 The Break-Up
 Moving On
 Night Soil - A Moon-Garden of Tips for a Better Relationship
 Secrets Of The Night
 Moth Wings
 Foods Of Love
 The Real Taj Mahal
 Secrets Of Attraction
 The Nature Of Dreams
 Dream Lovers
 Lover's Moon - Love Spells
 Just Two Little Words
 Morgasms
 Sex Secrets From The Past
 What Is An Orgasm?
 How To Have Amazing Orgasms
 The Chemistry Of Love
 Games You Can Play
 Tantric Sex
 Pregnancy and Babies
 Sensual Poetry by Ishfold
 I Dream Of You
 Nothing
 Snow Mouse
 All Is Vanity
 Flight Of Birds
 It Isn't Natural
 White Cat
 In the Shadow Of Her Hat
 Shy One
 The Freckle
 Submit!
 Wotta Works Shops
 Wotta Works
 The Green Cat
 ALCHEMyKOOL
 TRIPPSyDELICA
 Wotta Works Services Shoppe
 Wotta Waters Perfumery
 Spells & Magickal Services
 Wottascopes
 Tarot & Divination
 Custom Spell-Work
 Occult Advice
 Soul Insurance Services
 Soul Insurance Testimonials
 Free Samples of Heaven, Hell and Much. Much More - Holographic Downloads
 Submit Your ™T-Empirica Testimonials
 Read The ™T-Empirica Testimonials Here!
 Testimonials for Spells and Magickal Services
 The Well of Wotta
 What Happens When I Die, Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Magick Godmother Service
 How To Apply For Godchild Status
 Apply For Godchild Status
 Submit Your DNA Sample Here
 The Happy Godchild Fridge Art Gallery
 Magick Godmother Service Testimonials
 Wotta Tripp Invisible College Of Magick
 About WOTTICOM
 WOTTICOM Curriculum
 Letter Writing Services
 About Your Personal Letter
 Personal Letter Order Form
 Eliminate Your Crooked Business Partner
 Fire Your Hideous Boss
 Dump Your Cheating Lover
 Lose Your Selfish Unreliable Friend
 Permanently Alienate The Mother-in-Law From Hell
 I'm Very, Very Sorry
 Will You Marry Me?
 Letter Writing Service Testimonials
 You Need A Darn Good Telling Off!
 Order A Darn Good Telling Off!
 Craig Dooley - the 'Darn Good Telling Off' you ordered has now arrived
 Cy Hunnicutt, The 'Darn Good Telling Off' You Ordered Has Arrived!
 Twyla Pipstaff - The 'Darn Good Telling Off' You Ordered Has Now arrived
 Confessional
 Confess!
 Written Confession
 Penance
 Absolution
 Absolution Granted!
 Wottribution
 Wottribution Has Begun!
 Punishment
 The Dungeon
 Punishment Testimonials
 Did The World End In 2012, Dame Wotta Tripp?
 Beyond 2012 Questions With Answers From Dame Wotta Tripp
 Absolutely Scandalous! - Dame Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum
 Join Absolutely Scandalous! - Wotta Tripp's Internet Forum
 WTF Radio
 FIFF
 Contact!
 Contact Dame Wotta Tripp by Ouija Board
 Advice Letters
 What The Dickens?
 4-Bottle Technique
 Talk Backwards to Me
 Ostrich Leather
 Seeing Eye to Eye on Fidelity Issue
 Delirious Fetish Dressing for Wedding Salads
 Stealing People Is Wrong
 Absolute Loyalty Demanded By Goat Flayer
 Wotta Tripp Is Too Late!
 Amazing Fortune at Bus Stop!
 A Slight Magical Hiccup
 Tantric Mishaps Reveal Inadequate Companion
 Fowl Play
 Swarming With Dwarfs At The 'Ferrets Revenge'!
 Where Do Men Store Their Egos? Straight Shooting Advice
 Pale, Hairless and Would Never Fit In Anyway.
 Demonic Terror Unleashed
 When it Comes to the Crunch
 I Know Where You Live
 Liquored-Up Beasts
 The Dreadful Secrets of Dust
 Dear Dam Wotta Tipp Lady
 Floating Posers Make Retinal Fairies Take Flight!
 Me sheila’s Missing
 Scrupulously Clean Bottom
 Hey
 In and Out
 Darkness Gathers
 Co-Respondent in Detroit
 Concrete Proof is in the Graham Pudding
 Time to Join the Real World, Baby
 Soul Services
 Man Killed by Enraged Cabbage Whites
 Advice Column Testimonials
 Links
 Site Map
 Terms of Use and Site Policy
 Site Privacy Policy