Do You Know What To Do?

Is one of your major problems not knowing how to go about meeting people you might actually want to know in real life?

Has this become a major snag that is keeping you at home, lonely and feeling as though life is passing you by?

It's frequently the number-one most difficult quandary that people encounter in their quest to find that special person. Admittedly, it's a big dilemma.

The Differences Between Us
Of course, the perfect partner for one person might be a screaming, living nightmare for another. That's how different folk can be.

Humanity finds itself dealing with a gigantic sliding scale when it comes to separate personalities and their beliefs and standards, likes and dislikes, loves and hates.

 

You should ideally find potential lovers that have similar interests and tastes to your own if you want to have a compatible relationship with somebody that you won't tire of or clash with horribly after a while.

You don't have to be like two peas in a pod, but you should really have a lot more in common with someone than just a mutual physical attraction.

Seek to know people with similar values and intelligence levels. You do need to look at the long-term picture when it comes to happiness and contentment.

Excitement certainly doesn't last forever, and this can lead to splintering romantic break-ups on the foam-washed, stormy, slippery and darkling rocks of unwise decisions, usually influenced rashly by one or another of your bodily organs while your foolish brain was looking the other way.

Ask for help from people who you already know. Tell sisters, brothers, cousins and friends that you're ready to get into the dating game and ask them to introduce you to a few suitable people. Just not all at once!

A date every one or two weeks is an amount that is easily handled and gives you plenty of time to assess people and decide if you want to see them again, and if so, in what capacity.

Work Associates - Not a Good Career Move
Try not to date people you work with. It generally ends badly and is frowned upon from a professional standpoint.

Of course, this has never stopped very many people from indulging, and staff come and go as regularly as the seasons turn.

If you like constant drama, breaking up families and don't mind changing jobs rather a lot, then this may indeed be for you. Try to get in on all the office social occasions that involve alcohol and letting loose for a while.

This should yield you a regular harvest of new victims.

There's nothing like the annual office Christmas party for ensuring that everyone has an anxiety-fraught and thoroughly miserable New Year. Make sure you have your cell phone ready to record the proceedings for future posterity.

Places and Ways to Meet People
There are many options available, but some of them are quite horrible. Here are a few that might not be:

• Hobbies
• Gym & sports
• Clubs & organizations
• Music related - bands, groups and choirs
• Trusted friends
• Religious & spiritual organizations
• Civic organizations
• Dating services & singles clubs
• Classes such as art, dancing, cooking, acting, rock hounding, computer sciences, auto repair, writing, ghost hunting, meditation, languages etc.
• Political Activism
• Volunteering, charitable foundations

Of course, there are some places and situations where it isn't so wise to go looking to make new friends. For instance:

• Seedy Bars
• Truck stops
• Gangs
• Crime Rings
• Public Washrooms
• Street Corners
• Student Dormitories
• Hospitals
• Hitch-hiking
• Police stations, jails & courthouses
• Dark alleys
• 7-Elevens and Wal-Marts

So if you have considered them as options, wipe them from your mind right now, and we'll say no more about it for the moment.

Also, you must remember that even if you're desperate, it's unwise to ask anyone who's currently angry with you, or is holding a grudge towards you, to help fix you up to go on a blind date.

Blind dates are extremely risky at best, frequently leading to hideous disappointments and mild cases of post traumatic stress disorder that can altogether discourage future forays into the dating scene.

Having to deal with nervous twitches and medication at a young and tender age is a shame, so beware!

Stalking People is Wrong
Do not become fixated on someone because you suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder blended unpleasantly with desperation and depression.

If this does happens to you, then get professional help before you end up writing your life story from behind bars, unless of course that is what you would prefer.

If you're a man, and a woman saying 'No" to you when you ask her out elicits the following or similar response in your mind:"Yeah, baby, she digs me!", then you are extremely annoying, and might do well to be worried.

Wotta Tripp suggests that if this describes you, even remotely, you should proceed to the 'Punishment' section of 'Dame Wotta Tripp Advice'. The link has been placed thoughtfully at the bottom of the page for those of you who are looking guilty at this very moment.

Always respect other peoples decisions and boundaries. If you can't, then you are not ready for a relationship, and may need counselling before you are fit for human consumption.

How Should I Act?
You should be yourself, because after all, that is what people are going to get, isn't it?

If for some reason you're not happy with yourself, work on the points that are bothering you, one at a time. Make a list, and put the one that bothers you most on the top, with the rest in descending order of importance.

It might look something like this:

1. You feel inferior. Most people do. That levels the playing field a lot. You might consider assertiveness training or cognitive therapy if you feel unfit for society. It takes all types, so you certainly are fit for at least some situations!
2. Under-educated. Knowing enough to get by is fine for some people, but you want more. The trouble is, you don't have the education to back it up. Worse, you don't know a fish-knife from a pickle fork, or French from Japanese. Once you would have needed a lot of spare time, money and fortune to overcome such drawbacks. Now you only need some intelligence and the internet. Plus, it's all free. Get to it!
3. Weight & fitness. You know that there is somebody for everyone, but you also know that you are concerned that you will have a heart attack or stroke when you are finally intimate with someone, or perhaps even while walking to meet your date. A diet plan and health regimen may be in order, especially if you have a reasonable goal to work towards.
4. Addiction. You are addicted to eating mothballs, sniffing creosote, eating dog kibble or something similar & have correctly surmised that few people will be interested in a relationship once they have discovered your awful secret. Get counselling immediately. Don't kiss anyone.
5. Lack of Funds. This is on most people's list. A tough problem, it isn't usually insurmountable. Teach yourself how to budget and save. When you need something, consider a thrift store or the local buy and sell. You can get almost-new items in excellent condition that you couldn't dream of buying new. Who will know, but you? Start a part-time business from home. You never know where it might lead you in the end. Put some real thought into it. Having your own business, even if it's only part-time, makes you a far more interesting person to date.
6. You feel you are almost too ugly to be seen out. Alas, a good many people feel this way. It can mean only one of two things: a) Almost everyone is plug ugly. b) Almost everyone is just fine, but have been persuaded by some sinister outside force that they are plug ugly. Now, who would do a thing like that? You are not ugly, but you are probably very self-absorbed. Focus outside of yourself and onto other people for a change.
7. You are very angry. In fact, you are very angry a lot of the time! Understandably you are worried that you might take it out on the people you become close to. You are quite right to be worried. You simply can't leap at other people and try to throttle them or belabour them about the head and shoulders. You need to work through it all by taking anger-management classes before you are ready for the dating scene. And kindly watch your language when you are reading the words of Dame Wotta Tripp!
8. You dislike people intensely. This is something that athough understandable, you would do best to keep to yourself. Remember the wisdom behind the idea that if you live a certain way and pretend to be something for long enough, eventually you will become that very thing. So pretend you like people, and keep doing it. Maybe someday you really might, just a little. That way dating will be a bit easier for you.

9. You harbour a dark secret. And who doesn't nowadays? You certainly needn't feel alone. We are drowning in dark secrets, it's the nature of life on this particular planet. The trick is to not date someone who you suspect has a darker secret than your own. There is a safety factor operating here.

So take heart, brave souls, and know that Wotta Tripp is with you in spirit, cheering you on as you stumble and bruise yourself severely on the hurdles of life, only to pick yourself up and try again and again.

Because that is the secret, to keep picking yourself up off the coarse, tough, damp and prickly turf of life so you can try again. It's never easy, but this is what every single winner does, and never forget that this is truly the only difference between winners and losers.

 

 

 

 

Dame Wotta Tripp advises how to meet the right people