I'm Very, Very Sorry!
I just have to let you know how very sorry I am. I am very, very, very sorry indeed.
And yet, I'm not. Not altogether. For it is in my nature to do the things I do.
You have to see that although I have changed your life forever, change can be good. This can be a learning experience. You shouldn't let it turn you into a bitter person.
Many people continue to lead useful lives after something like this.
I wanted to let you know that I am still taking my medication, as I promised to do, and so am very to very, very sorry almost all the time. Please forgive me.
I'm covered in capsicum oil and am down on my knees naked in a fresh cow pat in my Father's pasture, doing penance beneath the burning orb of the hot and fevered sun, hoping upon hope that you pour the cool, fragrant oil of your forgiveness all over me as a comforting balm.
I promise I'll go straight out afterwards and offer myself to the first thoroughly brutish man I see, in the hope of being properly abused and humiliated in order to apologize to you and prove my unworthiness to worship further at your Shrine of Love.
And yet, only say that we can still be together now and again (even if its in the same room while out in public, as long as I can bask in your presence from a distance of 25' or so)and all is not exactly, altogether, entirely, completely lost!
Always your adoring
Please Note: Dame Wotta Tripp & Dame Wotta Tripp Advice does not advocate or condone the behaviours and actions described in this letter, but merely conveys the meaning and details as were instructed by the client.
Wotta Tripp & Dame Wotta Tripp Advice takes no responsibility in the event that someone seeks to copy the stunts mentioned in the letter. They are dangerous and should not be practised at home or anywhere else unless by a trained professional.