Dating Personals 



Browse the Wotta Tripp Dating Personals & Find the Right Match for You!


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SWM Anyone else into balloons? Getting old alone here! Frank id32499


I've had many, many relationships so am fully qualified to work on another such project with the right candidate. I'm an attractive, high-energy, efficient & experienced woman and can top 75 strokes per minute. Also love to organize, decorate & bring people together romantically. Fax Suzanne. id 30075


M-Other Has 2 tight ant costumes, 1 black, 1 brown, hyper-realistic, swollen, shiny thorax & abdomen, sensitive antenna, body hairs. Radio controlled. Be my Queen. id 28175


You: beautiful, intelligent. 5' 2" - 5' 8", 17-24, fit, athletic, active gymnast type fond of indoor sports. You bring to the table youth, zest & a willingness to learn  

Me:  mature, sophisticated, elegant with years of suave living experience to impart to the right young lady. Let me polish and finish you, creating a breath-taking womanly jewel to present almost new to the world! email Derek.  id25691


I am a shy sweet 30-something lady looking for love. I'm an excellent homemaker and a cordon bleu cook. Must love animals because I raise miniature reindeer and fancy gerbils. Prefer practising Satanist. Lily. id 27843


SWM I'm not lookin' to get wed. Just fixin' on experiencing life the way I want it. Looking for a woman who can take what I got to give, along with a bit of rough-housing. This bitch gotta be smokin' hot, willing to travel suddenly & able to handle a little slappin' around now & again in return for protection & good lovin'. Cookin', shoppin' & cleanin' required. And some automobile/truck mechanics & light carpentry. Make sure you don't bring no ankle-biters. Contact Travis. id30692


Outgoing SBF who has learned to brew beer, bake fresh bread and fix the tranny looking for a decent man. I like to camp out a lot, go fishing, make a lot of sandwiches, watch hockey & have sex threesomes on the beach. I'm hardy & extremely easygoing and have independent income to share. Cookie. id 29950


SWF Furry looking for acceptance, love & eventual commitment from like-minded person. Must have own costume(s). I create all my own furry outfits and also sell them on eBay.  I love gaming, sewing, cooking, theme parties, walking on the beach, nurturing my furry friends and collecting found objects that I use to make costume accessories. No voles please. Contact 'Lady Foxx'.  id25973


Warning: Nugents! PUBLIC WARNING!!There never was a more dastardly clan than that of the Nugents (except perhaps the Campbells) and they have bred like rabbits. And like rabbits, they are the scourge of Australia, & several other places too. Never trust a Nugent! Never let your children marry into this dreadful family. They are a nightmare in school, a liability throughout life and a real bloody nuisance when senile unless chained up, and they always take the last cream slice anyway. You have been warned! Anonymous. id 33276  


Ladies! Stimulate yourselves all day long, even at work using My Pre-Org!! Our nifty little appliance fits snugly into your ear & then proceeds to whisper into it sweet nothings, or even low-down & dirty suggestions. It's up to you, because you can program My Pre-Org yourself to hear the very words you long to listen to. You may choose to use an audio file you have created yourself with that special person or you can select from the full array of customizable sound files we have made available for you in different pitches and timbres. Includes such settings as 'whisper', 'crying out' & 'incoherent' for your personal pleasure. Money back guarantee. Try My Pre-Org for yourself today - commuting will never be boring again! id 28510


SBM Dig this! I am a cool dude in the music 'dustry. They call me Mr. Only. Looking for my perfect 11 lady. Must love music, tequila, cocaine, looking after her man, kick-boxing & long submissive sessions between the 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Will pay for the right woman. id 31179


Ugly as a mud fence male with hairy back. Bitter, bad tempered alcoholic & anti-social misfit would like some kind of companion. 42 years old lazy bastard with no ambition, so seeking opposite to self if possible but will compromise if I absolutely have no other choice. Any semi-serious to serious offer considered. id 28961 


Seeking rich gentleman companion for outings to the Greek Islands & Las Vegas, etc. Looking for someone who shares my passionate hobbies of shopping, fine dining & salon visits. Ask for Gwen. id 27501


Desperately lonely widow with unusual mutilations & nursing background looking for non-smoking, blind and partially paralyzed man to take care of. Will be tender & true. Can manage all the housekeeping, shopping & banking etc. for you. Contact Rose of Sharon. id 31117


Looking for the guy with long dark hair who was wearing the purple velvet pants & dancing in the Blue Moose Friday September 5 around midnight. You might not have seen me - I was the chick with gray hair & brown eyes who was collapsed curled up in a foetal position under the table nearest the dance floor. I daren't crawl through all the legs to get to you because I was very high & hallucinating & you had the head of a porpoise and long claws most of the time. That's done now, & I'd like to meet you in the Moose next Friday. Jill. id 31894


I'm so tired of hatchet-faced crones trying to make me feel guilty for my unusual interests. I'm an extremely good-looking & successful business man in his early forties & the fact that I have a few quirks is nobody else's damn business. I'm an excellent catch for any reasonable woman. If you are an attractive & reasonable woman (which I doubt) & come with a good attitude, then contact me. Must have, or be able to develop, an interest in snake venom. Jeremy. id 29643


hey. looking to hook up with someone. id 30002


Spirit medium seeking romantic asexual relationship with male entity from the other side. You know what to do. Miriam. id 27693


Adult spherical accretion driven by perverse and dreadful desires. As I'm not insane I realise that there are no other living spherical accretions or even concretions on the planet and so must cross-breed in as normal a manner as possible. Find it hard to believe I'm alive, let alone able to write. Looking for understanding mate. Bertram. id 10036


Are you an intelligent woman with a degree and career? Do you long for intellectual conversations and meaningful, intimate, caring moments? Then, piss off! Am looking for an extremely well-developed 16 year old without a thought in her vapid head and who is eager to go along with anything I suggest. Rick. id 25619


I'm a playful, attractive brunette trying to find a man who is a tiny bit in touch with his feminine side. I enjoy hiking, Christmas, horse-riding, cook-outs, dog-grooming and dancing. Oh, and you must attend church and love Jesus more than yourself, or later on hopefully, me. Cowboys welcome. No drinkers please. Cindy. id 24769


Simply can't stand bloody men any more, but am looking for another one anyway. Say duh! Willing to try yet again with the right wrong person. Must like karaoke, Italian food and cuddling, gossip, long walks on the beach, yada yada... Contact Hugo. id 37500


I will be your bitch for a whole year in return for free rent, weed & junk food. I am willing to accompany you as your escort, even to black tie events, as long as you supply the black tie & new jeans. Contract required. Christopher. id 28721  


Pleasantly plump and clean-living lady needs a decent family man to care for her and her 6 beautiful orphaned children. My husband has passed beyond earthly cares and left me alone in the harsh world. I will constantly cook and keep a beautiful house for the good provider who will make me his lady. I am also thanks be to God 4 months pregnant with another wonderful blessing well underway. Please hurry, and I do not mind so much if you are already married. Fleur. id 10325 


I'm a moderately attractive 39 year old man with no unusual markings. A successful author, I am also a cat trapped in a man's body who enjoys marking his territory with a synthetic urine product while screaming in a horrible manner. I manage to live a fairly normal life other than this so can offer the right woman a comfortable lifestyle. I have not been tagged, tattooed or micro chipped. Prefer a night person, and someone who is ready for outdoor night-time adventures. Nigel. id 34025 


I am a lonely left male brown sock who has been separated from his right mate in the hot, dangerous tumble-dryer of life. Seeking a new partner. Are you too lost with no underwear drawer to nestle in? If you think you might be a matching right female sock, please contact Tony. I am 6' 1" long, with a sad but handsome face and dark shiny knees. I am also waxéd. id 21187 


Help needed! My wife has put me on an enforced diet, and she searches my glove compartment, pockets & briefcase looking for chocolate etc. Luckily, the bloody woman never does any housework herself. I will give you $200, half of it to be spent on the food & culinary goodies you will find on the list I will provide. The other half is for you if you will purchase these items, break into our home with them while we are out at work & hide these gourmet delicacies around the house in places a lazy cow would never look in so I can find them later on. Don't bother ripping me off, because if you do this properly it will likely be a continual source of extra income for you until I die of diabetes-related complications. Dennis. id 30761 


There is a portal to the otherworld in my bedroom. It's been there for a while now. It's interesting, because if it opens up while I'm having sex with someone we end up in a completely different place. So if you like living dangerously and appreciate spontaneity and having sex indoors/outdoors/in public/dangerously/ on other planets - well you get the idea. We have all returned intact so far, sometimes before we even left. Contact Sarah for more info. I'm 32, attractive, educated and obviously daring and exciting. id 30003 


Hello. How  are you, how to say? I am fine and I like real man, how to say? machismo, but with kind hart. You must also love The Lion King to be in my hart. This is all me. It is better to like spurts and traversing in liner yots at sea also. I have the acorn color hairs and eyes of plush puppy. Leila. id 24681 


Inmate seeking  pen pal & possible future romance. Doing time for smuggling drugs from Goa to USA sewn into the cadavers of tourists who met with misfortune. Done 11 years of my 22 year stretch, should be out in a couple. Got a secret stash out there and am raring to go. Write me. Please put a photo in and write your measurements and specialties on the back. Clive. Thanks. id 17943 


Pro-Shaft Services offers a professional solution to your special sizing needs. Our startling and award-winning equipment & software works safely while you sleep. Once you have made your selection re-sizing takes place over a period of 2-3 months. We have a complete money back guarantee and offer 24 hour online support.  

We are proud to offer Pro-Shaft Tremor for novices & light users, Pro-Shaft Seismic for the busy gentleman & Pro-Shaft Cataclysm which is generally used by professionals. Email for our eBrochure.  Get Pro-Shaft - it represents a sizeable improvement!    id 10056


Police officer  looking for meaningful relationship with dog trainer who will teach him to be properly subservient. Looking to understand canine psychology better to enhance work efficiency. E-mail K94U. id 31870


Raving alcoholic in late 30's seeks same for partnership in life. I do get lost a lot and it's always better to have two people thrashing around blindly in the dark on the way home from the bar than just one. Same with life in general. Let's hold each other up. There's a greater chance that one of us will remember the house keys and I'm still not half bad considering my lifestyle. Lindsay. id 27691


SWF trying to find the one, & it ain't easy, let me tell you! I was suicidal & was hospitalized twice for trying, so have earned my scars. Then I had a gastric ulcer, perforated from relationship stress, & I nearly died. Had to have part of my lower bowel removed later when it became diseased & I became addicted to morphine, but am being weaned off that now & am doing well on methadone. I have to find someone decent who will be easy on my nerves, 'cos otherwise my conjunctivitis flares up. Am 42 years young with jet black hair and am very thin. Have sexy tarantula tattoo on lower back. Darlene. id 14769


Biker gang  member looking for secret lover for cuddling, romance, long walks, reading poetry to each other in front of log fire: I'm 57 years old and go by the name of Bam Bam. Although I'm a member of a tough gang, secretly deep inside I'm beginning to yearn for a little tenderness. I need a good woman who won't blow my cover & who understands that I don't have a lot of spare time because I'm married to the Jersey Devils and they will kill me if I cheat. id 29841 

Partner needed for 'squatch huntin' in the backwoods. Cryptozoologist with passion for high strangeness seeks like-minded and adventurous partner keen on spending weekends in the forest searching for evidence of sasquatch & other anomalous creatures. We will be using recording equipment & attempting interaction as well as searching for 'squatch droppings & clumps of hair etc. The right person will hopefully find this pastime exhilarating, so I'm making a wish now for the added spice of romance also! I'm an attractive 37, 5' 2", slim & wiry, with short dark hair. Angela. id 10237 


Unhappily married woman in mid 30's wishes to have semi-discreet affair with practically any man who isn't Irish. I want to take this opportunity to warn other women out there about the madness that awaits those of you who do choose to marry Irishmen. You will be barking in under a year, guaranteed. Not easy to get a divorce, either. And why do the bastards wear odd socks so often? It can't just be the drink, can it? Other races drink & still manage to match their socks. Rory, mine, ties his car door on with string & when it sprang a leak in the roof he just drilled a hole in the floor to let the water back out again. I bloody well hate him. Veronica, 36-24-37, chestnut hair, green eyes. Obviously not that smart, though, or I wouldn't be having to run this ad, would I? id 32693


I am searching for a single white Asian lady with blue eyes & ash-blonde hair to have a brief relationship with. I find the combination startlingly attractive, although I don't know why. A bit like admiring Siamese cats, really. Raj. 32, slender dark-skinned gentleman with attractive scar near mouth and plenty of money, although you needn't expect to see much of it. id 27635


Adventurous & attractive 25 year old lady seeks bold & fearless male partner for romance & extreme sports. I'm into parachuting, bungee jumping & sky-boarding. My eventual goal is to be one half of the very first couple to have sex 3,000 feet up in the sky while free-falling. So if you would like an exciting aerial relationship & long to see your name in the Guinness Book of World Records contact Jenny. We can do this!! id 28328 


Missed Connection - I saw you while I was waiting to be treated for a minor concussion in the Pottsville General Hospital emergency room on Jan 4 at around 2.15 am. I had been in a bit of a fracas & apparently lost. It appeared to me that you had been in a rather bad traffic accident & also lost. Our eyes met for a brief second just before you went into cardiac arrest. Although you were covered in blood & I couldn't see much of you, the connection I felt was very real & I just can't forget you. If you are still alive please contact me. Graham. id 14628


For Belinda G: Please tell me it isn't over! Why won't you return any of my many, many desperate calls, texts, emails, faxes, telegrams & letters or acknowledge the expensive deliveries, gifts, jewels, gourmet food, flowers, designer clothing and living-room furniture that I sent you? What more can I do to prove that I love you? You think I'm not serious? Last night I slashed my tires and then keyed my car. Next time it will be yours, bitch! Get back to me. Mike H. id 32974  


Scintillating, totally hot, fit, adventurous blonde female acrobat & stunt actress seeks gorgeous, sophisticated & attentive dark-haired self-made man aged 29-45 for long walks. Sandra. id 31530


Seeking to hook up with Dame Wotta Tripp. It's your hat combined with your stern outward demeanour. I just can't help it, I'm afraid. Would you please discipline me & then let me clean your website from top to bottom? Money is no object & I can go as high as $34 for a jolly good spanking. Stuart. id 27630


Young man with fruit & veg crushing fetish seeks understanding lady with small market garden or similar. Will work part-time for nothing in return for crushing rights on some products. As part of the package deal will also discreetly attend to you if you are too old to attract anyone else. Have references. Thanks. Gary. id 20095 


Oak & Burrell St - 3.11 am Feb 17 in a light drizzle, no wind, 12˚.  

You: Helping a tall muscular man carry a still-struggling bundle down some steps rolled up in a carpet and then stuffing it into the trunk of a black ford sedan before driving off together. 

Me: Watching from a side-street while waiting for my dealer, catching it all on my cell phone & then following you to the, er, wooded area. Nice spade work, by the way. 

You: Contacting me immediately to make suitable arrangements. This is an opportunity you won't want to miss, understand? Contact Eddy. id 34791


The swaying tree branches are bare and dark, twisted against a lowering charcoal sky. Winter has come. The wild geese fly and the stag bells. I smell snow coming, the scent of frozen violets on the sharpening air. Being alone is an existential nightmare, as is all life. Your very bone-marrow is singing it's pain out to the blind, uncaring Universe. You know who you are. Find me! Raven Skullthrall. id 26700


Youthful 70-something fella seeking a few good women for lap dancing & to service me in shifts. Can pay with food stamps, coupons & lottery tickets. Ideal work for single mothers aged 18-28. Email Frank. id 17429 


Musical Vibrators! Hot product! The Magic Tinkler Sprinkler is made of sanitary, durable and dishwasher-proof material in the following exciting colors:

Exciting Musical Vibrator Colors


Magic Tinkler Sprinkler comes with a wide selection of musical themes and is programmable. Whatever your mood, the Magic Tinkler Sprinkler can very easily match it.


Choose from among such categories as classical and rock. Listen to Beethoven or Neil Young, Weird Al, Abba or Mother Goose nursery rhymes. The mood is yours to set.

Perhaps you would prefer the sexy nature selection and wish to use your Magic Tinkler Sprinkler to the theme of lilting 'summer bird-song', tension-building 'majestic thunderstorms' or the more stimulating 'mating crickets'.

Maybe urban decay is your bag - Satisfy your experimental urges by accompanying your Magic Tinkler Sprinkler use with the sounds of sirens, back-up alarms, screaming tires and heavy industrial equipment.

Or you might give in to your darker side - go ahead, you're probably on your own anyway - listen to the sounds of distant screaming, cell block prison riots, drunken fighting, or people being whipped and stung repeatedly by poisonous jellyfish.

But you're probably just an old romantic. So for you we have the sounds of tea being poured, presents being unwrapped and the crackling of a log fire.

These are just a few of the sound files that will be available to you when you purchase your Magic Tinkler Sprinkler.


Buy the Magic Tinkler Sprinkler Now! - A sound investment that guarantees your personal satisfaction!    id 29075


Bored gay  chef in early 40's looking for partner to enjoy culinary capers with. Stir my crock-pot, you saucy little dish! Sear me with your red hot peppery juices! Surprise me totally with an authentically original recipe for a rapturous valentines dessert! Be my love-meringue! Season me, dress me any way you want & apply the basting tool liberally. Together we can whip up an extremely satisfying entrée. You bring the wine & edible gold foil, I'll supply everything else. Some cooking required. André. id 25092


In reply to 'Anonymous' id 33276 ad 'Warning: Nugents!   - I was married to a Nugget once. I didn't enjoy being Mrs. Nugget, and Joe did behave very, very badly quite often. Is Nugget another branch of this same awful family?? Sandy. id 32891


Neat and tidy refined lady in middle age seeking genuine gentleman with adequate income and education for marriage. You must be both polite and patient, scrupulously clean personally and good with my elderly mother. A regular church-goer with one small hobby (such as stamp collecting) is acceptable. No pets, please. I cannot stress enough the fact that I would rather have a man who has gained complete control of his digestive system and who never passes wind in my presence. Also don't bother if you have anything disgusting wrong with you, I've met those types before. If you don't match my criteria, then don't waste my time. No sex-crazies! Elaine. id 11340


I'm blue. I don't mean depressed, although I am of course. I'm colored blue everywhere, & will be for the rest of my life. Some time ago I started a course of colloidal silver for an infection. I foolishly ignored the instructions, taking much larger amounts than advised over rather a long period - many months in fact. One morning I woke up & I had turned blue all over. The doctor said I had got Argyria, a rare condition caused by silver accumulating in my body. It would be a lovely shade for something else perhaps, but not for me. Sadly, my wife made me leave our home six months ago. She insisted it was nothing personal, although it felt very personal to me, but she said that she was just too embarrassed to be seen out - or in - with me. She later admitted that she felt I now clashed with the colors of our newly decorated & furnished home, completed barely a year ago. She said she did resent my foolishness quite a lot & just couldn't bear the thought of spending all that money again when it was cheaper & easier to change me, and that I was very quiet anyway & that both of us would hardly notice I was gone. Anyway, the point is, I need someone who doesn't mind my color very much, perhaps a hippie, or Goth, or even an art student might be nice, someone who mig

Error: the client id no 16748 has run out of allotted space. Please adjust your advert or contact Wotta Tripp Dating about our excellent rates for larger advertisements.


Handsome Lesbian requires live-in fantasy lover, but with stipulations as follows. I want you to live with me, & there is no rent to pay, but it's most important that I don't ever see you. You must flit silently & unseen from room to room, never giving your presence away. I'm out a lot, & when I'm gone you may have free run of our home, but you must be invisible again by the time I return. If necessary you will have to get in a closet or cupboard in a hurry & stay there. 4 nights a week at 3 am I want you to stand over my bed & stare silently at me without waking for me for 30 minutes. You must leave a personal token on my pillow so in the morning I know that you watched me. That's it. If this sounds good contact Inga. id 26599


OS person seeks replacement object. For those of you who still don't know, OS stands for objectum sexuality. That's right, folks, I have a romantic attachment to an object, just like the famous woman who's in love with the Eiffel Tower. I'm going through a grieving stage right now because the beautiful relationship I had with my significant other is over. I fell in love with an antique glass paperweight & had a happy, fulfilling relationship for over a decade. The dreadful day arrived that an accident befell my beloved paperweight, and it's ravishing pastel colors were splintered into a thousand glassy shards. I won't describe it because I can't bear to talk about it. I'm desperate to acquire another antique paperweight that I can attempt to bond with so I can reach some kind of closure & move on. If you have any for sale please contact me. Deidre. id 37751


UHA male with ankle bracelet needs mature woman with beautiful voice. Wearing a crisp light pink apron and 'White Shoulders" perfume you will serenade me under my bedroom window each night at my bedtime (which is at 10:30 pm sharp) while I drink my hot chocolate. This will continue for the next 7 months. Service required for 15 minutes a night on weekdays only. Pays well. Ron. id 24338


To the person with id no 16598 who just replied to my personal ad regarding special costume-themed dinner parties last week - I wouldn't touch you using my dead granny tied to the end of a sixty foot pole. If you contact me again I will inform the police about you. id 17550


Business woman with tight grow-op & looking to expand business needs an assistant grower, an accountant, sorters, delivery people and an armed bodyguard/lover. Race & sex don't matter in any position. Serious enquiries only. id 33638


Bisexual man with communicable terminal disease seeks man or woman with same or perhaps a suicidal person for one final fling. Let's get it on, baby! Vic. id 25967 


Annie: The reason you saw me like that last Wednesday was because of a dare. If I'd known you were eating there that night with your parents, I never would've done it. Rod & Biff offered to pay me $20 if I would stagger into the family side of the restaurant, roaring like a wild animal and with pizza cheese stuffed up each nostril and hanging down to my knees. As you know, I foolishly did just that. Please forgive me. I will miss your Mom's lemon-coconut cake. I can't get the expression on her face out of my head. I love you. You can pour boiling water over me if you want to. Please call me. Andy. id 34989


I'm 22 years old & have a rare condition called synesthesia. What happens is my brain makes extra sensory connections. It can be pretty cool, being able to see colors when you listen to music & taste sounds. But that's the problem. My boyfriends has a perfectly ordinary name, Mike. But to me his name has a ghastly flavour. I can't help it - his name tastes like canned sardines that have been left out in the sun & then mixed with Danish blue cheese and liquorice. To make things worse the sound of his name feels like an old doormat being dragged across my skin. This whole thing has made him feel bad about himself. He's not willing to change his name for me - well, who could blame him? I'm moving on & looking for a nice guy preferably with one of the following names: Christy (very similar to eggnog), Geraint (tastes of dark chocolate) or Finbarr (rum-soaked raisins - yummy). Janis. id 32761


Hoping to find someone who will arrange me. I don't mind if it's a woman or a man as long as they are over the age of 24. I need someone proficient at draping, and they should have a keen eye for position, composition and color coordination. I will need arranging repeatedly and would also like you to keep a photographic record of me when I am draped for my future reference. Please email me pics of your previous work. Thanks. Sally. id 19962  


To Danny Edwin Boyle: I've left you. It's over. It has been since about 2 weeks after we met. I know that was 9 years ago, but life is complicated and I so didn't know how to tell you. You can keep Lucinda, because I never liked her very much either. I may be spineless, but at least I didn't spike the punch with LSD at my own brother's wedding & later on sleep with his wife! You have always sucked! Maria Joyce Boyle. id 34251


Looking for a good woman to share my life with who isn't afraid to get her digits dirty. I have a mushroom farm/manure & fertilizer plant. Keep a few hogs as well, and some emus. Fixin' to get me some 'gators soon. Good money in 'em, & we'll need it to raise a few strong sons. Meat and skins fetch a good price. Very good upbringing for kids, around nature. Ya gotta bring your own rifle & bowie knife. If ya have any photos that show ya got muscles, then send 'em on to me pronto. Contact 'Turd' McNulty. id 20002


swf, blonde, very hot, 19, looking to hook up with cute (very cute!) guy for dates. must have hot car & $ & be inteligent- i'm worth it. no broke, ugly losers, LOL, i'm so over guys like that - OMG u shd see some of the ones tried to date me!!!! LOL - i'm too hot fr them!! txt me. xx Bree. id 27449


Still seeking to get together with Dame Wotta Tripp. You haven't replied yet. Perhaps you didn't seen my previous message. I am willing to go as high as $45 now if money is the object. Please get back to me. Stuart. id 27630

Freak of nature, lady, would like someone to go out for coffee with a couple of times a month. Have a good selection of entertaining medical stories and a list of people I know secrets about. Seeking occasional cuddles and a partner for a profitable little sideline. Shalayla. id 12804  


Beauteous soulful little woman seeking her Greek God. Don't get it wrong here, I'm looking for a Greek God, not some Goddamned Greek. I've already been that route. It didn't wash with me. I'm a petite, gorgeous olive-skinned goddess looking for a good match. No financially embarrassed men, please. Irma. id 10659 


Lonely man, 32, seeking long-term sensible girlfriend to eventually move in with me. You must be cute because I'm quite cute. My mother has assured me of this. I live with her, but don't worry, I have my own room so we can be private. Successful candidate must like cuddly stuffties 'cos I have a large collection and I am a member-in-good-standing of PETSA (People for Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals). Rudy. id 23870


Calling lovers of the massive family of Orchidacea! Seeking fellow orchid enthusiast. Attractive man looking for a life partner (man or woman) with similar passion for this most desirable of flowers. Join me on a breathtaking life-long adventure as together we unlock the sensual, erotic and magical secrets hidden within the secretive folds and depths of only the rarest and most potent members of the Orchid family. Only those truly besotted and possessed by the soul that is Orchid need contact me. Remember, an orchid is for life! Note: if you've ever been involved in any kind of incest, please don't bother to contact me. It creeps me out. Darryl. id 25861 


Mud Wrestler, 27 year old attractive, healthy, successful, confident woman, large breasts, gives great bj's, longs for love, family & companionship. All my relationships so far have ended up on the slippery downhill slope to destruction. Help, I'm sliding into a lonely depression! Is there not one single man out there with bigger balls than mine who is confident enough to take me on?! Freakin' cowards! Valkyrie Vixen. id 19942


Incontinent, flatulent old fart still hoping for love. No point lying, you'd soon enough find out. One night would do it. Am kind to animals, generous, & I can maintain an erection for approximately seven & a half minutes. It would be nice if you can cook & play darts, pool & ping-pong. Chud. id 27604  


My husband claims I'm paranoid and menopausal, but really I just need to get laid regularly, and he can't do it anymore because he's an alcohol-sodden cretin. Would like to meet someone exciting for clandestine affair. No strings attached, and no string-vest-types, please. Prefer a man, but am a bit bi-curious, so try your luck and let's see where it takes us! Julia. id 36081


Love can be a very strange experience, especially if one is not quite normal. I long for clarity and guidance and a harshly gentle touch. I need a mentor, master, maestro. I will be your devoted and obedient slave, an exotic and enticing but blank piece of paper for you to write your story on. Tamara. id 30035


Attractive male adulterer seeks female counterpart for spicy assignations. I have a list of places I want to do it in, including a cable car, under a table in a crowded restaurant, while white-water rafting, in a public phone booth, riding the big wheel and during a vineyard wine-tasting tour. If you are hot and these ideas excite you too then contact me and send me your list. Mark. id 27498 


Drunken bastard, 46, educated, often horribly surprised to wake up & discover what's lying in bed next to him, desperately needs an at least semi-attractive, semi-permanent lover for security & continuity & to hang on to when the room is spinning. Take pity on me. Peter. id 34100 


Epileptic widow who leads quiet and private life as an antique gunsmith and master art forger, aged 43 and with comfortable income, still has a lot to offer the right person. Looking for a quiet, responsible gentleman companion who knows when to turn a blind eye and when to act. Mrs. Snow. id 24871  


Pretty, 38 years young, loves to wear naughty lacy bras & edible panties & have cute, sexy guys like you eat them right off of me! Bob. id 25869


Short, bald, neurotic and physically unappealing man, but with massive member, enthusiasm & world-class staying power, seeks to pleasure frustrated housewives in return for gifts, financial or otherwise. Will wear bag over head if directed to. E-mail Günter the Ready. id 34101


Natural-born tart who loves to have adult fun seeking male & female partiers for good time. I'm lining people up ahead of time for when I get out of re-hab. Good time a'comin'! Call me, sluts! Renee. id 31512


Total swine with a dirty mind wants a girlfriend. If you're interested contact me & send a photo & details. I'll probably treat you badly, but you never can tell, perhaps I just haven't met the right woman yet. I usually get bored easily, can't tolerate small talk & don't do birthday's, anniversary's etc. And you can't change me so don't even think of trying. Birth sign: Wanker. Luke. id 26589


Wanted for consensual genetic experimentation: 1 adult female human exhibiting giantism, 2 adult human males exhibiting dwarfism, a male albino human over the age of 32, humans with two eyes of differing colors, a French man (Homo Français), female goats (Capra aegagrus hircus) aged approximately 2 years old, female llamas (Lama glama) and common toads  (Bufo bufo, or European toad)  .

Please Note: All humans (Homo sapiens) & animals participating in the experimentation must be over the age of consent and in good physical health. All humans participating in the experimentation will be generously financially reimbursed. People who can supply the specified creatures please email with the word 'Animal' written in subject line. Email Bilditt Laboratories for detailed information. id 36991 


Lately I feel compelled to explore my inner Green Man at a vastly deeper level. I am more & more drawn to living in the deep forest. I want to experiment by spending a full year living in the greenwoods, fending for myself and becoming one with the spirit of the forest and all the creatures who make their abode in that welcoming, rustling, enchanting and enchanted ferny bosom I long to be nurtured at. Come, be a wood nymph to my Pan, Maid Marion to my Robin Hood, a Green Goddess who will be my loamy other half, rooted deeply within the emerald and leafy mantle of the wooded glade. Think of me rather as a 'nature freak' than a 'freak of nature'. Email me to swap our stories and discover where we can go and if we can journey together down the little violet and anemone-starred wooded path less travelled! I seek the secret inner matrix of the acorn! Fergus. id 25784


Stunning natural beauty, young, blue eyes, size 0, fantastic new boob job, just went blonde, spray tanned, anal bleaching sessions starting next week - you'll find me flawless! You must be good looking, love to party and go clubbing, & have a hot car & a sexy bank account balance. Azure. id 25760 


Smokin' hot chick wanted to play 'Simon Says' with me. Simon. id 26400


Male member of the Apostolic United Brethren fundamentalist church looking for woman's Christian lacrosse team to marry. Must be God-fearing, healthy women ready and willing to bear upright, upstanding children who will love and honour God and me and work in my well-known family pest and rodent-removal business 'All Ratted Out' when they are a little bit older. Spanky. id 19854  


Searching for the bad Catholic boy called Kes. I was the good (once) Catholic girl you knew briefly (behind the garden shed on Nutcracker Drive) as Mel. Please contact me. We are having a Kesmel. Imelda. id 24870 


Loser in love wants a woman who can take control & steer me down the pleasure highway, leaning on the horn all the way. Yeeee-haaah! Gazzer. id 39903  


Wanted by real woman, real man for all the things that real men do: barbecuing, sex & fixin' things. No geeks, no nerds, no turds, got it? Serena Jo-Lynne. id 25942 


A Handsome man with an unusual growth longs to be loved for who he is both inside and out and is looking for a woman with a good heart. In actuality I was born with a small twin physically attached to the outside of me - it's name is Lohsa. I'm yearning for acceptance so I would ideally like to include my growth in any sexual activities that develop, but it can be moved to one side if necessary to facilitate you know what (ahem - I don't mean to be indelicate, all you lovely ladies out there). Lurcher. id 27881 


Longing to meet my angel. I know you're out there, my little rose-bud, my petite brussel sprout. I'm out there too! I am a fine-looking thing! I work out and so I ripple under my healthy brown skin, quite often under a thin sheen of baby oil that I massage in while I think of my perfect mate, out there somewhere, enchanting little salmonberry, my sweet summer nut, my squash blossom, my butter-pat. If your soul recognizes mine, croon a message for me, sweet nightingale, adorable perfumed squirrel of my inner heart-pocket. Omar. id 29842 


Photographer available for weddings, bah mitzvahs, funerals, parties, grads or whatever. Will also provide proof of infidelity. A real go-getter, I will hide in closets & other small spaces, tail people and crash events to get your shots. I give tennis lessons on week-ends. Can provide escort service for lonely man with function. Will mud wrestle on weekends at your event. E-mail for pics. Reasonable rates. I am also an accountant and can prepare your tax-forms. Suzette. id 34987  


Classy Digits! These hands have brought ease & relief to over 6,000 achy bodies just like yours. I can do for you too! E-mail for appointment. Cherri Brandi. id 11569 


Dame Wotta  Tripp, I am still waiting for disciplinary action from you. You still haven't replied yet. Don't you check your own list? I am now willing to go as high as $75, but that is absolutely my final offer. At least let me know one way or another. Too much suspense is bad for older men, you know. You're not the only woman who can carry a pointy hat well, so don't get above yourself  ! Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it! I am kneeling naked on the hard, cold flagstones, awaiting my punishment. Stuart. id 27630  This account has been suspended by Dame Wotta Tripp Advice.


Fun-loving , laid-back, lover-not-a-fighter-type guy. Life's too short to not sit on the beach all day. Need a nice, easy, easygoing girl to keep me company and have a laugh with. I drink only on days whose names end in Y. You can work if you want to. In fact I prefer it. I will provide the lovin' when you get home. Beyonda. id 22278I  


Sinister-looking , darkly interesting lady with one wandering eye and an amazing body built for looooove. Looking for my sexy pirate. Seawilla. id 16504 


By day I am a simple man, a 41 year old bank teller, mild, gentle and helpful. By night I roam the streets of the city seeking to right wrongs and delivering justice and vengeance on behalf of the weak. I want a strong woman who has my back, will stand by my side and after a hard nights work fighting evil together will sit on me (because the work is tiring) and give me a good shagging. I would prefer a fit woman under 35 with at least some weapons training and martial arts experience. Thank you. For an exciting time, call Pauly. id 14911 


Introducing Shockerlets!™- the delicious high-quality chocolate bedroom treats that are created lovingly by hand especially for their magical aphrodisiac qualities. Shockerlets! will give you the added boost you need to happily complete even the most boring of assignations with verve and accomplishment. Shockerlets!™ comes in Shockerlets!™ for men and Shockerlettes!™ for women. For more information call and chat with our friendly staff or request a brochure from our website.  Shockerlets!™  - a division of Wang & Rhobottham. Inc. id 32886


The first thing, I must say I am good girl and quite beautiful. Do you believe it will exist true love? Unfortunately I have never meet, will I have the lucky to meet it? Some times I am an outgoing girl, but some times I am a tranquility girl. Some times I am fun girl. I look for gentleman, mature, conventional, sane and conscientious, 29 years old -39 years old, 173cm-187cm big, handsome, elegant, nice dresser, kind, generous, fun, can dance, polite with a good manners, sophisticated, with very nice car & have permanent very good stable economic base. Serious for marriage only need contact. Jadeite. id 21075


Retired explorer  and author, 53 and very active, looking for fresh-air lover for erotic outdoor mini-adventures. Must be fit, robust, virile and know how to climb, skin small creatures and start fires. E-mail Elizabette 'Camel-Hump' Jones. id 32769 


Man still suitable for dimly lit occasions, although I don't know for how long. My mother assured me that I was a handsome fellow, but she was very almost blind. She could never see my father properly, but I could see very well that he had a face like a diseased, bearded mushroom that only a mother could love. Although I probably take after him in the looks department I have a sizeable bank account, I am kind, love animals and I have a forked tongue that is almost 5" long when fully extended. It is utile and I can pick up objects with it. A big plus is that it glistens in candlelight, which I prefer at all times. Frank. id 34796


Fun-loving , healthy and devout pretty woman in mid-thirties, Christian (Praise the Lord) swinger who fully embraces life seeks a selection of discreet younger male lovers, perhaps 4-5 in total. Would screen candidates. Must be spotlessly clean, disease-free and devout. No queers or other ungodly deviants. Must play well with others, but never on a Sunday. Scarlett. id 26697


Need new family. Old one failed. I accidently broke it. Prefer Irish family, but will take Italian. Let's swap data. Jango. id 10072 




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