sECRETs OF ATTRACTION
Why do people become attracted to each other, and why is human behaviour so annoyingly predictable?
What draws two people together despite the fact that everyone who knows them, and even some who don't, are looking at them aghast?
When your sister, best friend and mother have all informed you that you are barking, then it must be love.
It's All About Chemistry
The underlying components of attraction are very much about chemistry. To learn more about this, please read 'The Chemistry of Love' in the 'Morgasms' section.
This 'Secrets of Attraction' article will show you how to take advantage of this chemistry that we all possess to enhance your love life and entrance and beguile a new date or your significant other.
The Art of Seduction
Attraction occurs in one area - the brain, the most powerful organ you possess. Of all the questions people ask about love, one of the most common is "How can I make myself more attractive?"
In other words, 'how can I present myself in a such a way
that I will be able to seduce the person I want to be with?" Or more properly, "How can I make their brain think that they want me?"
Women, for instance, tend to be attracted to hard-working, tall, well-groomed achievers who have resources, authority and success, as well as the respect of their peers.
Men on the other hand, being so often driven by their desire to have sex, are attracted to the way a woman looks rather than the aura of power or accomplishment that may surround her.
In fact, that perception of powerful femininity may even repel him at some level.
Unless he is a playboy, he probably isn't even looking for a woman with money, although he doesn't want one who intends to spend all of his.
He is mainly looking for someone who is young, healthy and attractive. Is this superficial? Yes, of course it is.
He would also like a woman who is independent, doesn't cling, and who is available for sex whenever he would like it. How much any individual woman is willing to compromise her true self in order to accommodate a man and gain a partner is a matter for individual consideration.
But a portion of this enormous over-the-top sex drive that men are so preoccupied with must be channelled into their careers if they are to be the success that both men and women want.
Otherwise we are dealing with a playboy. This immature type of man must be independently wealthy to begin with in order to lead and maintain such a vapid and resource-wasting life-style.
If he isn't he will never be much of an achiever, preferring to leech off women or men who he has sex with in order to continue an expensive and futile existence of partying and self-indulgence.
There are plenty of women like this as well, who consider men to be some kind of human re-usable 'meals, luxury items and gifts' coupon.
Somehow, when they were little, these sad men and women were tricked by foolish and criminally negligent people into thinking that they were little princes and princesses.
They were refused nothing, spoiled rotten, catered to and generally made unfit for human consumption in the real world.
Do not date, let alone begin a relationship, with one of these deluded, unpleasant and lost souls.
The sad truth is that very few of us measure up to our own or anyone else's high standards. Luckily, what we all think we want is often partially reliant on first-sight attraction.
After we get to know people a little better, even some people that we felt initially were not attractive, things can change radically, because fortunately there is a lot more to attraction than first impressions.
And of course, it's amazing what desperation does to change a person's point of view over time, which in this instance may be on your side.
What are Your Tips Like?
People around the world have provided possibly millions of tips and tricks over the centuries, most lost within the hot and steamy mists of history, but with thousands still remaining - and still being thought up - to add to the arsenal of one who is out and about happily hunting and stalking their mate-to-be.
Stand Out in a Highly-Sexed World
The question is, how can you stand out in today's colourful and highly-sexed world and get noticed by the one you desire?
And if your hunt is successful, how can you ensure that a sparkly and magnetic attraction lasts between you both?
What makes one person generally more attractive as a potential lover or partner than another, often seemingly with no consideration for looks, age or body-shape?
Often, the secret lies in the way you behave.
· Appear fascinated by the one you are with. This is a huge turn-on for many people. Folk are so self-important and selfish that all you are likely to hear on a date is "I", "I" and still more "I". It seems like a minor miracle when finally someone is paying proper attention to you and appearing fascinated by every word you say. They won't remember that they did nearly all the talking - they will only remember the satisfying conversation that they had with you, how good they felt at the time and what truly great company you were. Of course they'll want more!
· If you don't already know, find out what the person you are with is passionate about. What moves them and gets them fired-up? People generally feel very good when they can enthusiastically discuss their passion or secret hobbies and interests (be careful here) with someone who appears to return their interest to some degree.
· Know how to dress appropriately for all occasions and settings. People are attracted to those who make them look good too. Being embarrassed in public by your date, or even in private in front of friends, can put someone off seeing you again. With the internet available for people to research any situation, there are no longer many excuses for faux pas that drive interesting people away.
· Don't gossip and put people down when you're with the one you're trying to impress. It doesn't take much for someone to work out that if you would betray and stab in the back the person or people you are talking about, you will also probably at some point do the same concerning the person you are talking to. Nurture kindness, discretion, tact and consideration.
· Appear confident. It really is the best turn-on there is for many people. Even if you don't really feel that confident, study the habits of confident people and 'fake it 'til you make it'.
· Make your date feel good about themselves. Never become smarmy. giving over-the-top compliments and heaping saccharine-sweet and cloying, sticky praise upon your date. One or two honest complements and maintaining a genuine interest in them is enough. Don't ask for sex. Don't indulge in sexist behaviour, insult the one you are with or point out their faults. You're not married yet.
· Appear confident about your own life and goals. Know where you are going and have a clear set of goals. Take positive action in your own life and impress people with your clarity and commitment to success.
· Sincerity. Resist the temptation to tell lies. No good will come of it. If you are just with someone to see what you can get out of them you will end up deservedly alone.
· Have a well-developed sense of humour. Never underestimate the power of humour. A truly funny person can unlock many doors with laughter. Don't be over-loud or behave in a slapstick manner though, trying to garner extra attention from strangers around you. People don't like that. Keep your jokes appropriate and say nothing personally hurtful.
"I Want That One!"
Sometimes people are convinced that they have to have a particular person in their life to be happy. It could be someone they already have a relationship with, or in extreme cases even a practical stranger.
The object of their ardent desire may be utterly unsuitable, a frog that will never shape-shift into any semblance of a prince, no matter how often it is French-kissed.
The human brain can sometimes behave in very peculiar ways. It wants what it wants, regardless of the choice being wise or even sane. Heaven knows, the complaints the separate sexes have about each other are copious and would have filled the Library of Alexandria several times over.
It would seem when listening to them that men
and women frequently detest each other, and sometimes they do.
But however much we complain and joke about the differences between men and women, it is those same basic differences that initially attract a mate.
Here are Some Fabulous Wotta Tripp Tricks to Help You in Your Noble & Altruistic Quest for Love:
Wottatip: Eat before you go out. Your meal should be nutritious but not too heavy or large. This will help settle any pre-date nerves and keep your blood sugar levels healthy while ensuring that later on if you dine together you won't get carried away and gobble up a 5-course dinner without looking up from your plate. If you are very nervous and not driving, have one small cocktail before you leave. Just don't turn up as a nervous wreck reeking of alcohol or marijuana.
A 2-Drink Limit
Don't get wasted, because it will waste more than you imagine. A new date won't be wanting a re-match and even a well-established love will get very tired of dealing with you after a short while.
It's not only extremely disrespectful to the one who you are expecting to spend time with you, it's also a good way to end up drinking alone at home.
Of course, if you are a professional alcoholic then it's best to seek out another one such as yourself. This way, nobody (except the strangers around you if you are out) will be offended by your terrible, loud behaviour and the crashing, banging and spilling noises that seem to follow you around.
Eat what you want, drink what you want, neither one of you will care or even necessarily notice.
If you can remember how, go home when you can both no longer stand and curl up together in your little burrow to pass out and forget everything that happened on your 'date'.
Although not your first concern, you should know this about eating with a date, out or at home.
There are certain things you should perhaps think twice about ordering or cooking, at least on a romantic date.
Pasta, for instance. Nothing more than a glorified starch, certain types are frequently awkward to eat and consequently not very sexy, despite constant attempts by Italians and the media to make it seem a king among foods.
Like the humble and also well-starched potato (which is not generally awkward to eat while out), it is in one way or another merely a versatile receptacle for butter, cheeses and sauces.
Pasta is notoriously difficult to eat elegantly and a greasy chin scented with butter, parmesan and garlic is in no way alluring.
Worse, if you are eating impolitely as well, your date or lover is likely to lose that loving feeling pretty swiftly.
Chew carefully with your mouth closed. Try not to trough-out. Nothing is more off-putting to a sensual and sensitive person than having to sit and listen to somebody eating like a wild boar.
Other potentially embarrassingly messy or odiferous and gas-incubating foods to watch out for are corn on the cob, burgers, nachos, barbecued ribs, sloppy joes, giblets, buffalo wings, broccoli, cauliflower, lobster, Cheetos, pork rinds, huge sandwiches or foot-longs, radishes, poutine and burritos along with onion and garlic-heavy dishes.
You get the idea. You might be alright with soup or a salad, it depends upon your coordination.
Wottatip: Arranging a private chocolate tasting at a quality chocolatiers is a sensuous and seductive outing. Forget dieting, even dinner, for just one day. Try and sample one of everything that looks delectable and feed one other. Get a box to take home with you as well. You might be surprised at how much you feel like sampling each other afterwards!
How are You Looking?
Take care here! This is important, and it matters not if you are a man or a woman, or even if you're neither. Choose the wrong outfit and it can put picky people off faster than almost anything else.
Grooming is key. One fact that can't be escaped is that people prefer partners that they consider to be attractive.
And at least some of the things that make people perceive you as attractive, or at least acceptable, you can control.
There is also something known as the 'exposure principle'. This principle is based on the fact that the more you are exposed to a person, the more attractive and intelligent they will appear to you.
In other words, they get used to you and your peculiarities, so try showing up at the same location that the person you are interested in frequents (unless this means a toilet cubicle or similar). People will become accustomed to you and this can be very helpful.
When you arrive, sit in a relaxed manner. Don't fidget, play with your face (or any other part of you), rattle change, cross and uncross your legs repeatedly, tap on the table, sniff repeatedly or perform any other annoying habits. Don't stare at strangers.
Talk cordially to people. Do not laugh too frequently or too loudly. Never behave like a clown or buffoon. It won't work. If you do act like a little idiot, you probably deserve to be alone right now.
This is What Women Want to See:
· A well groomed and clean-shaven man who wears his clean clothes well. Look like a million bucks if you can, or at least $500.
· Women like colognes and after-shaves as much as men like perfume. Don't overlook this touch - it might make all the difference. Make sure you select a delicious scent. There is nothing worse than a cheap cologne. It's entirely off-putting.
· Be relaxed and confident. Maintain fairly good eye contact. Smile a little, but don't laugh too much or be loud or intimidating. Dame Wotta Tripp will now share a secret with the gentlemen, one that has been validated in studies: women prefer serious men to ones that are laughing or even smiling. They will be a lot more turned-on by you if you affect a brooding look, even perhaps a faintly troubled gaze, versus a sloppy grin. Try not to look as though you are suffering from constipation. You may have to practise in a mirror. Ask a female relative to check-out your short-list of best looks, that is, as long as they are not currently nursing a grudge against you.
· Imagination and a good sense of humour are important. Women love it if you make them laugh, and they love surprises and excitement. Try moonlight, champagne and roses. Organize enchanting outings and picnic lunches and you'll soon be enjoying some delightful and torrid afternoon encounters.
· Be romantic. Write her a poem or a love letter. Do not get a tattoo of her face or her name on your body.
· Pursue the woman you want. Make her feel special and desired above all others.
· Show her your caring, softer side. This proves you really do have the confidence to behave like a real man is supposed to.
· Be attentive and chivalrous. Make her feel secure and safe. She will adore this.
· Be in control of yourself and your destiny. Know what you want. Show ambition, passion and drive. Display generosity but don't be a pushover. Women should be attracted to you, not your bank account.
This is What Men Want to See:
An athletic young nymphomaniac gymnast
with very large ... That's just too bad, because it isn't
going to happen!
A relaxed and confident woman in stylish and tasteful clothes that fit well. Put a lot of effort into looking polished and make sure you carry yourself to match your look.
Men are very impressed by a glamorous, sexy look. Be careful not to wear anything tacky, because this will spoil things permanently.
Try to seem a little bit mysterious. Do not overdo this. Less is more. You don't need to wear a mask.
Smile a lot. Smiling is not considered as a dominant feature at a primal level. It can symbolize submission. Men love seeing women smile, conversely to women, who prefer the man to affect a brooding 'Heathcliff' look, as in the novel 'Wuthering Heights'. What can this all mean?
Well, wuthering is a word which describes the sound of a strong wind blowing, something that most men are all too familiar with.
Play hard to get. Make the game interesting and keep it interesting, even after you've been hunted and properly brought down. This is not the same as teasing someone, which is bad manners. Turn all your assignations into memorable adventures.
Flirt a lot. Men adore this pastime for obvious reasons.
Wear high heels. They are like a fishing rod for men, reeling them in with ease, however pathetic this may seem to you.
Give a man some provocative glimpses of smooth, scented skin - not too much, though! It should be tantalizing rather than too revealing.
Get a bit closer. If a man likes you, he won't mind. You could also 'accidently' graze against him in a provocative manner when an opportunity presents itself. Sit on his lap if it seems appropriate. He will be hot and bothered in no time.
Colour Me Sensual
Red wins hands down when it comes to sexy. Polls and research conducted with men over the years prove time and again that they prefer red on a woman, unless it's nothing at all.
Not only that, but women enjoy seeing red on a man also, perceiving it as a virile and energetic colour, which it is. It represents power and status.
Think of the phrases that utilize the word 'red' to get their point across: 'red hot', 'painting the town red', 'red-letter day', 'red-blooded', 'in the red', 'red-light district', 'red-carpet treatment', 'red, red wine' and 'Red Dwarf'.
Red is the very best colour to use as sexual bait. Other sexy colours are purple, black and sometimes white.
· Wottatip: Why not buy some sinful red satin sheets to tempt your lover to bed? Get some black ones for the week after. Note: tartan flannelette is not so good.
A person's sense of smell is more capable of arousing strong emotions and feelings than any other sense. It's the perfect tool for seduction
Studies show that men love perfumes. The right scent can even positively influence a man's decision to sleep with a woman.
When we fall in love, our partner's natural scent is totally intoxicating. Scent is very much part of the bonding as well as the bondage process.
We come to associate a person's choice of perfume or cologne with them, and just a hint of their familiar scent can flood the senses with sexy signals.
This applies equally to both sexes, so men, if you don't already have some, buy some captivating after-shave and watch the effect your investment has. You'll be glad you did!
Years after an important relationship ends people can remember the way their lover smelled, even when they can't quite recall their face or private parts.
Make sure you are freshly showered and then hype-up your natural allure with a memorable fragrance.
If you are entertaining your date at your home don't forget to add a few aromatic touches.
Scented candles, incense or pot pourri, massage oils and talcum
powder, flowers, delectable foods and exotic drinks can all play an olfactory role in your date.
There is a very special tip for women at the end of this revealing article.
Wottatip: please note that passing wind is not appropriate and certain dietary precautions should be practised for the purposes of safe sex. As an inspiration, you are supposed to be the wind beneath your partner's wings rather than the gusts beneath their sheets.
Your body doesn't always mirror what you are saying as you talk.
Don't sit too close to your date if you aren't intimate with them. Everybody needs their personal space.
This means approximately 18"-24" around a person - no sneaking up from behind and ambushing them.
When the time is right, you will probably know and be able to extend a hand - nothing more - towards the person you are with. You should not be giving away much more than a kiss on a first date anyway.
If your companion has their arms and legs firmly crossed, or is tapping their foot, gazing round the room hopelessly, checking their watch, crying or wringing their hands then you may have lost their attention. Change tactics immediately and try again.
If you are brushing crushed ice from your hair and mopping up your clothes, or if your date is walking rapidly and purposefully towards the nearest exit, then it is possibly too late.
Do Not Stare at People's Private Parts
Look into someone's eyes often, especially when talking. This is where the major chemistry takes place.
Don't allow your eyes to wander obnoxiously over someone's body.
Staring at a woman's breasts or a man's crotch is just plain rude, especially on a first date. Keep your eyes on your companions face. You may glance at their hands, or even slap them away if they wander in tandem with the eyes.
Neither should you ogle other people in the room or flirt with the staff of whichever establishment you might be in. No staring - try instead to get a grip.
One of the best compliments you can pay anyone is to truly listen to them. So many people listen with half an ear, their minds wandering insalubriously through, over and around all manner of strange and unsavoury subjects.
But people always consider that they have had a good conversation if someone has let them talk non-stop and attentively listened to everything they had to say.
Be a good and attentive listener and you may reap the rewards later on.
When you do talk, pace the speed at which you speak. Lower your voice if necessary so that your target has to lean in towards you ever so slightly to hear you.
Later on in a relationship, you must always listen properly to your partner or lover and hear whatever it is that they are not saying. It isn't that difficult if you practice.
Reach Out &Touch Someone
Wotta Tripp cautions people not to do this in a creepy or inappropriate way as the desired end result will never occur if you are locked-up overnight, or even for the weekend.
But touching somebody in the right way at the right time can be a great sexual and relationship catalyst.
The key to success in dating, a person who carries themselves in a relaxed and confident manner is very attractive to a potential partner of either sex.
Confidence is a skill and it can be learned. Although some people are naturally more confident, you can appear as though you are, even if you're nervous.
Follow these simple steps:
· Stand as straight and tall as you can, put your shoulders back and hold your head up straight. Don't put your nose in the air, people will misinterpret it.
· Meet people's eyes. Try not to look away first but don't make it into a contest. Staring at somebody with unblinking hooded eyes will only unnerve them.
· At an informal gathering practise introducing yourself to people first. Be low-key and friendly, but don't grin. Just smile politely.
· Try to be roughly in the center of a group when you can.
· Don't move too quickly. Quick, jerky movements betray nerves. Try and walk, reach and gesture in a slow, relaxed and measured way.
· Take several deep, long and calming breaths directly before meeting a date or entering a room full of people.
· Check out the local or international news on the internet before you go out and memorize two or three current topics. They might come in handy later if there is a lull in the conversation. It's wise to stay away from controversial topics.
· Wear clothes that are stylish and comfortable, but make sure that you like them as well. The way you feel about yourself is very important.
· Pay thoughtful complements to people. Try and make anybody you are talking to feel like the most important person in the world at that moment. They will tend to like and remember you. The trick is to project yourself outward and stop thinking of yourself and what others are thinking about you for a while. Concentrate instead on what you think of the people around you. Stay upbeat and relevant.
Mirroring refers to the art of mimicking the non-verbal behavioural cues of the person you're with.
This may sound strange, but it's an effective and powerful tool to put you in tune with another person. Watch the person you are with. Try and establish the same breathing rate as they have first of all.
Next, mirror their movements. Copy a movement a few seconds after they have made it, subtly and. without drawing attention to what you are doing.
Note their posture, facial expressions, limb positioning and the relaxing or tensing of muscles. The more detailed your mirroring of the person you are with the better the result will be.
A Small but Appropriate Gift
Bringing a small but tasteful gift for a date is a nice gesture for either a man or a woman.
Make sure there is somewhere to put it so that your date doesn't have to lug half a garden shop round with them all night
Suitable gifts are flowers, candy or a bottle of wine but more unusual ones are still acceptable, such as a small ornament or a beautiful book.
Dame Wotta Tripp would like to point out here that animal companions, condoms, sex toys, leather items, lingerie, hits of ecstasy and books containing strange and curious photographs are not appropriate gifts.
Seeing More of Each Other
"How can I keep my lover's interest once I've attracted them in the first place?" people ask Dame Wotta Tripp.
Leaving some things to the imagination is always a good idea. It's what keeps people interested in each other. Hold some things back.
Keep the allure in your relationship by cultivating a slight air of mystery. Always leaving something left for your lover to discover about you will help keep their interest alive.
Let them work a little bit to find out more about you.
This does not include such secrets as past or present marriages, long, relaxing bouts in mental asylums or criminal convictions.
If you are not honest about such things, the only mystery your partner will be trying to figure out when they find out by accident is what they ever saw in you in the first place.
It is fairly easy to misplace a partner who is bent on sampling an extremely diverse selection from the sexual menu of the planet.
You must not lean on your laurels sexually as
they will not support you forever. Becoming practically conversant with a wide variety of different sexual techniques garnered from cultures around the world only makes sense, with airplane tickets being so reasonably priced nowadays.
And finally of course, you must have something in common. However much you desire somebody, it won't work in the long term if the entire relationship is based only upon physical attraction.
The Best Way in the End
I hate to disappoint people who try so very hard to please the men they are in relationships with, especially when they have spent so much time and money on themselves in the attempt to become more alluring, but I have some bad news for you. Fortunately, it is also good news for the ladies!
What's more, a girl can save a good few dollars following Dame Wotta Tripp's simple instructions.
It's relatively easy to secure your man's attention with two simple little tricks, and nearly everyone will have access to these simple, wholesome items.
According to the most up-to-date research. these ingredients apparently constitute the two most devastatingly alluring scents on the entire planet, more potent than jasmine, sexier than musk, more romantic than roses.
You have all been sadly mislead by advertising.
The answer to how to turn yourself into a thrilling seduction-powerhouse is through the liberal use of pumpkin pie and lavender.
Unfortunately, it works only on men. The combination seems entirely sickly to Wotta Tripp, but she assures you that it works.
So, Ladies, as well as Gentlemen of the Rainbow, put on your frilly aprons, dab lavender oil between and behind everything, including your ears, and get out the pastry bowl and pumpkin pie filling. Be generous with the sugar, nutmeg and cinnamon.
Heat up your stove and lover with the bounty of nature, and later serve it up with whipped cream on a plate, or even on you, you crafty little vixen!
It's so simple in the end, isn't it, unless you live somewhere unfortunate where there is no access to lavender or pumpkin pie.
Then you will have to make do with such staples as jasmine, rose, patchouli etc. One wonders what was used in the Western world prior to the onset of pumpkin pie.
You can also try skipping all of that and use nothing to allure your man (or woman) with but your natural scent and a nifty technique or two.
That's such a novel concept in this age of high-tech sex that it just might work quite well.
Wotta Tripp raises a glass to your romantic success!